There are countless stories of indie bands and punk acts barely scraping by, saving up for months at menial jobs to self-finance their own tours and releases. But won’t anyone think of the legacy acts? The aging shells of your dad’s favorite acts can’t get by on $120 tickets, exorbitant reissues, and massive amounts of pay-per-view cash alone. Luckily, ClickHole has heard the call, successfully crowdfunding a Sleep Number bed for Bob Dylan.
Via the GoFundMe page:
“For over 50 years, Bob Dylan has been one of the most celebrated figures in American music. His songs have redefined genres and given voice to generations, and he has continued to crank out tune after awesome tune well into his winter years. He has given us everything while asking nothing in return, and for that, we think it’s about time that America said “thank you” for all his contributions to our ears and our hearts.
Hence, we have started this GoFundMe page with the goal of purchasing Bob a brand-new Sleep Number® adjustable bed. This includes a classic c2 Sleep Number® mattress, a sturdy modular base, and an intuitive wireless remote for adjusting the bed’s firmness. With taxes and shipping, the bed will cost $1,359.97. It is expensive, but we believe that this is the least we can do to thank “The Man In The Hat” for his service to the American people.”
Surprisingly, (or not given the length that Onion publications have been known to go for a joke) ClickHole actually purchased the bed and shipped it to Columbia Records for Bob to pick up. They raised about $200 more than their funding goal of $1,360, so they also provided the singer with a Bob Dylan duvet cover.
File this one under “Facebook comment jokes we wish we made”: