Tay Allyn’s Worst Song Of The Year Contender — ‘Mass Text’ — Will Ruin Texting Forever

A few notes on “Mass Text,” which is to 2013 as “Thanksgiving” was to 2012 and “Friday” to 2011.

1. The hell?

2. No, seriously. The hell?

3. I mean, really, the hell?

4. According to Tay Allyn’s biography:

Tay has created a new breed of Pop that’s like Ke$ha without the sex, and Gaga without the avant garde- what are you left with? Pop songs about the mundane issues you face in everyday life. It’s sassy, fun, and RELATABLE. Chosen by Justin Timberlake and MySpace as a top upcoming artist of 2013.

Upon a brief inspection, I found no such link that corroborates her unlikely story. We should all hope it’s not true, that it’s just a myth Allyn’s spreading to gain fame in write-ups like these. Otherwise, not only does that mean someone approves of her “talent,” that someone is Justin Timberlake and I don’t want to hate Justin Timberlake. As for the video itself, it starts off with overly attached girlfriend Allyn, the love child of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Kim Kelly, texting “Drew Crush” and ends with her eating Drew’s face off in a puddle of his family’s blood. I’m assuming. I had a hard time watching the whole thing; between the dead-eyed way Allyn plays with her Barbies (???) and that one guy who’s still walking around in a LaDainian Tomlinson Chargers jersey, I’m 94% sure the video was filmed in alternate dimension where up is down, right is left, and songs suck…you into your laptop and eat you.

5. Hell.

(Via Clip Nation)