Yesterday, Media Takeout, the world’s foremost, COMPLETELY ACCURATE authority on all things “urban,” published a letter it received anonymously from an LA-area stripper who detailed her one night of sexy time with everyone’s favorite Canadian jock-sniffer extraordinaire and noted stripper-lover, Drake. Now, take this for what it is — an anonymous letter published on Media Takeout from someone claiming to be a stripper who once went home with Drake — but the thing contains some really funny lines. I would love for someone, perhaps Wanda Sykes or JB Smoove, to perform a live reading of this. I think that would be outstanding. Anyway, here are a few of my favorite bits from the letter…
“Security was tight”
Him and his boys brought me and a few girls back after a night at [LA CLUB]. As soon as we walked in the door, it was like we entered the White House. Security was tight, he made all of us give up our cellphones and sign a contract. Then a security man took a photo of our drivers licenses. MTO I ain’t never seen nothing like that.
“It’s thick”
He took off all his clothes, and mine and laid me down and started eating me. His d*ck is not really big, but it’s THICK.
“I think I c*me out of both”
I must have c*me like 3 times while he was doing it. On after the other, after the other. I have had my box eaten hundreds of times, but no one has EVER done it like Drake. He has a real talent. His tongue went from p*zzy to butt, back to p*zzy. I think I c*me out of both.
“He started pushing my head down”
He then laid on his back and was like “My Turn.” MTO I was ready to suck the OXYGEN outta him and I did. After a few minutes he started pushing my head down, towards his b*lls. I sucked on them for a while and he pushed me down FURTHER to his butt hole.
“It was weird eating a man’s butt”
It was weird eating a man’s butt like that, but I’m a freak, and it was Drake LOL. He was laying there on the bed with his leg spread open and my face in his butt and his legs shaking.
“All over my new weave”
I’m embarrassed to say it, but Drake enjoyed getting his butt ate so much that he n*tted. All over my new weave.
“I shouldn’t try to steal ish”
He told me that I could take a shower in his bathroom, but that there were cameras everywhere so I shouldn’t try and steal ish.
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want the world to know he likes his butt eaten.”
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want the world to know he likes his butthole eaten.
The only way this could be any better is if Drake wrote the letter himself and submitted it to MTO.
