Previously on the Best and Worst of Raw: WWE headed to Knoxville for a 24/7 Championship run for Knox County Mayor Glenn Jacobs and an unrelated appearance from The Demon Kane® for a Fiend attack. Plus, Baron Corbin won the King of the Ring! Shocker!
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for September 23, 2019.
Worst/Best: Firefly Funhouse Re-Runs
Last week’s Raw opened with a Seth Rollins promo putting over Braun Strowman. That set up the ending to the main event, which saw The Fiend show up to choke out a big monster and scare Rollins with creepy crawling.
This week’s Raw opens with a Seth Rollins promo putting over Braun Strowman. That set up the ending to the main event, which saw The Fiend show up to choke out a big monster and scare Rollins with creepy crawling.
I joke a lot about Raw repeating itself ad nauseam, but unless this is in service of some greater, overarching narrative about Bray Wyatt’s Fiend using his ability to turn Seth Rollins into Heather from The Blair Witch Project to systematically destroy all other supernatural or “scary” characters, thereby establishing himself as the one true occult God of World Wrestling Entertainment, it’s just a damn re-run. I’d expect Bray Wyatt to murder death kill Rollins at Hell in a Cell and become a dominant, unstoppable Universal Champion (until Finn Bálor returns as The Demon a few weeks before WrestleMania, setting up a big supernatural special effects clash at the biggest show of the year, where they have the budget and inclination to do it), but I’ve been burned by aborted Bray pushes too many times. Fingers crossed that they realize a loss at Hell in a Cell and/or some kind of goofy no contest to put him in a championship match without becoming champion will be one of the biggest and most inexcusable character assassinations in modern WWE history.
Note: I would also accept Undertaker showing up to branch Wyatt off into a big dumb special effects feud that builds until WrestleMania, assuming it’s the official, official end of Undertaker as an in-ring performer, please baby Jesus, and a passing of the spoopy torch.
Worst: I Apologize For Saying Lacey Evans Had A Good Sharpshooter
Somebody in the back complained about the kneeling version she pulled last week and made her try to do it in a squat, didn’t they? Sigh.
We’re still fumbling toward a Lacey Evans vs. Natalya pay-per-view blow-off at the expense of the women’s roster and everyone watching, with roster extras who might be extremely motivated right now (Dana Brooke) or very good at pro wrestling (Ember Moon) only getting TV time in enhancement roles. I guess that kayfabe Canadian police heat is too valuable to not put on TV every single week.
Best: Carmella With The Long Con
One of this week’s most surprising developments is Carmella finally deciding to stop being R-Truth’s sidekick and win the 24/7 Championship for herself. She rolls him up in the middle of the ring while a bunch of 24/7 jokers stand on the apron confused, and Truth’s just like, “okay, now it’s YOUR turn!” I like that. If anything, it’d be fun to see him officially pass the torch to her, and let her be the comedic protagonist of the division for a while. Truth’s a 17-time champion, he can pay it forward.
The only thing I didn’t necessarily like was Carmella’s win suddenly bringing out a pack of female 24/7 division extras, as though that thing’s ever been gender-specific. Kelly Kelly didn’t blaze a trail for y’all to remain segregated. Plus, Carmella just rolled up a guy to win the championship, why wouldn’t Lince Dorado or whoever just try to roll HER up? It’s not like anybody wins the 24/7 Championship via punching. Mike Kanellis pinned his wife at the OB-GYN. The Million Dollar Man bought it from Alundra Blayze. Drake Maverick’s already dressed like her to get the drop on Truth. There’s precedent, get your shy kitten ass in there and pin her!
Best: Nikki Banks
No, not that one.
Nikki Cross and Sasha Banks got a full quarter-hour to wrestle, and I can’t believe I’m typing this, but I think it actually might’ve been too long. It’s not a bad match or anything, but I think whoever agented it may be missing what makes Cross an engaging in-ring performer. Her character’s become a WWE underdog (because somebody called her ugly once, and nobody thinks she could actually have friends? I don’t know), so they’ve got her doing a bunch of roll-ups, dodges, and desperation comebacks. That’s more or less the opposite of what made her a fan favorite in NXT, where almost all of her great matches were built around her rabid, unpredictable offense. The Fit Finlay apron trap is good and so is her taking the Vader-style sleeper counter on the floor, but even those kinda feel like routine spots. I’m just applying unfair parameters to this Raw match because I never got these two at a TakeOver, probably, don’t mind me.
The setup for Banks vs. Bliss for next week is good, as well. I’m fairly certain one or both of them are going to leave the ring injured, but it’ll be fun to watch while it lasts. They should just reenact Tank Abbott vs. Big Al from WCW Slamboree 2000.
Best: AOP Show Aleister Black How Easy It Is To Get Into Fights If You Just Stop Sitting In That One Room
Really looking forward to that Authors of Pain vs. Heath Slater and No Way Jose blow-off on the Smackdown kickoff show, Main Event.
Best: King Corbin Quells The Usurper Chad Gable
This week’s show features the King of the Ring tournament final rematch between King Baron Constable Corbin, first of his name, protector of the realm, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, and his chief political rival, Chad Gable. He’s the king in the Upper Peninsula!
While it lacked the drama, pacing, and heat of the King of the Ring finals, I liked the rematch between these two a lot. It accomplished that very good thing modern WWE matches sometimes do where it starts slow and the crowd kinda seems like they could take it or leave it, and then suddenly the momentum shifts and everyone’s SUPER INTO IT. Something about Chad Gable’s exact stick-to-itiveness and Baron Corbin’s heat secretly changing from “go away” heat to Actual Heel Heat over the course of a single tournament has the WWE Universe ready to react. In case you missed it, Gable’s about to win the rematch via ankle lock when Corbin breaks it up with his royal scepter, drawing a disqualification. He pops him in the back of the head with it a second time after the match, because he’s a dick. Keep the feud going, man. Put them in Hell in a Cell and have Corbin Deep Six himself and Gable off the side of the cage. Fuck it, everything must go.
Plus, Corbin’s Direwolf cloak and black crown is one of the best King of the Ring looks ever. This coming from a guy who loved Sheamus’ dumb King of the Forest getup.
Best: The Fatal Five
The best match of the night is certainly the fatal five-way elimination match, which gets a solid 20 minutes, features five of the top talents on the brand — assuming all these guys are actually “on the brand,” thanks to the Wild Card Rule I can’t even remember anymore — and is happening for a reason. The winner moves on to challenge Seth Rollins for the Universal Championship on next week’s “season premiere” of Raw in a match that definitely won’t end with Bray Wyatt showing up and making Rollins pee himself with haunted house strobe lights.
The match features …
https://twitter.com/MrBrandonStroud/status/1176321005620531201
It’s a lot of fun, too, and not just because it gave us this GIF:
I guess Shinsuke Nakamura is officially the Supa Hot Fire of WWE.
Ricochet getting eliminated first was a bit of a drag, but probably necessary to support the idea of Robert Roode making it to the final two and being the “obvious” heel opponent for Rollins. Nakamura and Styles both have secondary championships, so they don’t really need the shot (although it could be argued that they could both use it, the matches would be good, and secondary champions are supposed to be the “number one contender” by old school wrestling standards). Roode’s one half of the Tag Team Champions, but in Raw terms he might as well be beltless. His partner’s off starting steakhouse beefs with Goldberg, so don’t look for any credible tag team challengers to rise up until the Raw before Hell in a Cell, when they remember they need a match.
Mysterio vs. Rollins could be a hell of a bout, too, if they save the Fiend stuff for after the bell. It’ll be interesting to see what Raw becomes once Smackdown starts airing on Fox, ostensibly making Raw the official “B-show” for the first time in its existence. I hope they let Heyman give it a more underground and … well, raw vibe to counter the shiny, corporate gloss of prime-time network TV. If not, at least Raw can become a depository for USA Network commercials and directionless talent so they can kinda corral everything bad and of the previous era into one creative trash compactor.
Also On This Episode
EC3 returns to Raw and gets a match! It’s a 100-second squash loss to Rusev, but it’s … something? I’m trying to stay positive here. Still no idea why WWE watched an NXT castoff grow into one of the best talkers and characters on television, re-signed him, hot-shotted him through their good characters brand and then called him up to Raw to never talk or be on television. It’s like recruiting a five-tool player and keeping him in AAA his entire career because your depressed veteran outfield hits a combined .220 and can’t run or throw for shit, but sells a ton of shirseys.
Also of note, the announce team made no mention of Rusev’s involvement in the Mike and Maria Kanellis cuckold power hour sponsored by Maury, so maybe they remembered he’s popularly married and way too good for it.
The Viking Raiders defeat The Orange County Choppers in passable tag team action. I’m still not sure Gallows and Anderson have ever had a great match in WWE, and their partnership and branding opportunity with AJ Styles seems to have just elevated them from, “never on TV,” to, “losing on TV.” It’s a step, I guess! The Viking Raiders have been elevated from, “only defeats jobbers,” to, “defeats this one named team pretty regularly,” so that’s … also a step, I think. I assume the next step is the Viking Raiders winning a kickoff show match against the Raw Tag Team Champions by disqualification. Raw booking fever … catch it!
On Firefly Funhouse, Bray Wyatt removes an wrestling action figure from a dirty pig child’s mouth and breaks it in half. When did he start hanging out with my family? I love the cutaway to the puppets here so they could “work” the broken action figure. Guessing Mattel wouldn’t like it if WWE aired a commercial explaining how easily those toys break.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
HighEnergyForever
“I’d like to rebut last week’s violent action with a 20-minute opening monologue.”
troi
Since this is the season finale I think it is appropriate to say how much I enjoy commenting here. I hope you guys all have a great summer vacation and will see you in the fall for the Raw season premiere.
Pdragon619
Missed an opportunity to have Shinsuke win the KotR tournament and team up with Banks in the MMC.
King Sasha!
Big Baby Yeezus
Seth Rollins plays a pretty convincing White Woman in a Scary Movie
TheGunslinger
Rusev lost weight, Lana, and his catch phrase.
The Real Birdman
Between splitting Seth in half and messing with graphics, Bray’s more of a King Solomon Crowe
JerichoThat
I was hoping to see Strowman unconscious with the black sheep mask on when the lights came back on, as a callback and a reminder of Wyatt’s power
AwkwardL0ser
That’s the first time Robert Roode has talked to a woman over 30 since the local Macaroni Grill refused to seat him in a section of his choosing due to repeated complaints.
Mr. Bliss
When the Fiend wins the title, the sideplates better say “hurt” and “heal” respectively.
LUNI_TUNZ
Dominic is so proud of his father’s friend right now.
Next week’s “season premiere” will feature:
- an appearance from Brock Lesnar, who will hopefully do something more exciting than hopping in place while Paul Heyman shouts about Kofi Kingston
- appearances from Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan, who are hopefully just showing up to get strangled to death by The Fiend. +1 to this week’s crowd for being the first WWE crowd to ever actually boo Hogan. They’re so close to figuring it out.
- Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks in an Actual Fight, Probably
- Seth Rollins defending the Universal Championship against Rey Mysterio in a match that will hopefully have a finish
- King Baron Corbin murdering Chad Gable’s entire family at a wedding
And more, maybe! It’s officially time for Raw to start shitting or get off the pot.
Thanks for reading, as always. Drop a comment down below to let us know what you thought of the show, and give us a share on your various social media things if you’d like to help us out. Lord knows we need it. See you next week!
