10 Suggestions For 'Backflips & Beatdowns 3'

This video of motocross jumpers doing tricks over live MMA fights from last weekend’s ‘Backflips And Beatdowns 2’ event in Billings, Montana, is making the rounds today, and while there isn’t much to say other than “lol what is this dumb sh*t why is it happening” I thought I’d put together some helpful suggestions to make ‘Backflips And Beatdowns 3’ (date TBA) a little more engaging:

1. Have pro skateboarders grind the top of the cage while MMA fights are happening and motocross guys are jumping over them. “Powerman 5000 – When Worlds Collide” would make this especially awesome.

2. Rig the bikes so the exhaust sprays Baja Blast Mountain Dew on the fighters as it backflips. That’s probably a little degrading to the guys in the octagon, but these guys are cagefighting under the Montana X-Games so f**k them.

3. Fire hoops a’plenty.

4. Allow public masturbation, but only during the coolest parts. So, public masturbation from beginning to end. Suggestion 4B) Call the event ‘Backflips And Beatdowns And Beatoffs’.

5. Eliminate the landing ramp. Have riders jump directly into the cage, where they then have to fight their way out. Twist: The cage does not have doors.

6. Have the jumpers land on a raft of human women. If that’s too regressive for Montana, have them leap directly into the opened mouths of lions.

7. Figure out a way to stage the entire event underwater.

8. Arrange it so that anyone who says “woo” during the event is forced to either fight in a cage or jump it. See how many people are still alive by the end. If the answer is “nobody”, you’ve done it correctly!

9. Allow one man to commandeer Truckasaurus in an attempt to stop the show. I will volunteer for this, assuming I’ll be in Montana at the time (I will never be in Montana).

10. Do not have ‘Backflips And Beatdowns 3’.