The biggest story of the Milwaukee Brewers’ offseason wasn’t how the team planned to bounce back from last year’s PR nightmare of star player Ryan Braun lying about PED use and being suspended for the season, as much as it was about Hank the Dog. While that may have actually made this the greatest PR smokescreen in MLB history, it doesn’t matter because OMG LOOK AT THAT FLUFFY DOGGY! The Brewers made some new fans at the close of Spring Training when they announced that they’d be bringing their adopted mascot Hank home from Maryvale, Arizona – the town that is controlled by stray dogs – and he officially made his debut at Miller Park for Opening Day yesterday.
Naturally, fans went crazy for Hank’s debut, as they actually brought homemade dog and people treats to the stadium to give to him, and that led to this local news report that finely balanced the lighthearted news about Hank’s arrival with some people are just nuts about this dog.
“How many people can just walk on the field and be adopted like that?” I’m not sure. I can’t really recall a time that a stray child showed up at Spring Training and became a team’s mascot. That would make a hell of a Disney movie, though.
Obviously, I’m joking when I call this a PR smokescreen. Regardless of motives, this is still a sweet gesture, and Brewers COO Rick Schlesinger wants us all to know that. They didn’t do this for the attention and the praise, as much as they did this because the players thought Hank was adorable when he showed up in Arizona, and they were totally right. Also, random animal mascots always mean playoff success.
One thing that I’ve been wondering, though, is how long it will be until someone in Arizona pops up claiming to be Hank’s actual owner, and demanding the Brewers return his poor pooch to him along with a big sack of cash, because America. When that day comes, that guy will be in for a tough time, because Hank’s new mama is Marti Wronski, Brewers VP and general counsel. The mother of four gladly volunteered to take Hank in, which is a surprise, because I would have expected one of the players to use Hank as a chick magnet first.
Today, though, is going to be a pretty chill day for Hank, as he’s scheduled to be neutered at some point. But the good news is that he’ll still be mentioned plenty as the subject of this fantastic April Fool’s joke by On Milwaukee.
