Allow This Drunk Cubs Fan To Explain Why Derek Jeter’s Retirement Is So Special

The Derek Jeter retirement party continued at Wrigley Field yesterday, as the Chicago Cubs showed their appreciation for the Yankee legend before beating New York 6-1 in interleague play. The series served as a good opportunity for the Chicago Sun-Times to remind everyone that the Cubs have sucked for quite some time, in case people are just coming out of comas or something, as the hometown paper decided to very fairly and accurately compare the first five seasons of Jeter’s MLB career with the first five years of Starlin Castro’s career.

Care to guess what this comparison might look like?

Yep, it’s all Castro’s fault that he wasn’t blessed with the same talent as those legendary ’98, ’99 and ’00 Yankees lineups that won three consecutive World Series and fell just short in Game 7 of the World Series in 2001. I mean, how does Castro even have the nerve to keep playing baseball after being such a spectacular failure? Actually, the article accompanying the graphic doesn’t blame Castro for anything, and instead asks Jeter if he can imagine going through what the Cubs have gone through for a billion years (“No.”) and Castro if he can imagine winning four World Series titles in the first five years of his career (“No.”). But it’s more fun to just look at a picture and get angry.

Cubs fans, on the other hand, would probably give anything to know what it’s like to win one World Series, so they might not give a billy goat’s gruff about the spoils of Jeter’s magnificent career. Not this Cubs fan, though. This lady was moved to tears by Jeter’s presence at Wrigley, and I bet she wouldn’t mind bringing home one of his souvenir balls, if you know what I’m saying.

(H/T to @Cyrus_T_Virus)