As A Thank You, Here Are Baby Sloths Being Swaddled (Plus Morning Links)

Seriously though, big ups to Biggie Smalls Danger Guerrero for filling in yesterday so I could enjoy my birthday. On today’s schedule: morning links, then eight straight posts about pro wrestling.

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The Best Of #Sterling Archer Kicks Off UPROXX Archer Week – Yuuuuuuuup. [UPROXX]

5 Elseworlds Comics That Should Be Made Into Video Games – Steampunk everything! Or, I want a game where I’m Ma and Pa Kent and I have to drive around avoiding nails. [Gamma Squad]

Quentin Tarantino’s Top 11 Films of 2011 – I’m not sure I want to live in a world where one of our best filmmakers thinks Hugo and Green Lantern are on the same level. I don’t want to hear Kurosawa nudge somebody and say “hey, I liked 12 Angry Men, but I also liked Plan 9“. [Film Drunk]

The Reasons Louis C.K. Will Never Host the Golden Globes Are Exactly Why He Should Host the Golden Globes – I’m not sure how Ricky Gervais settled into his weird role of guy Hollywood hates but approves of, and why The Average White Guy We All Agree On couldn’t just slide right into it. [Warming Glow]

Apple iPad 3 Reportedly Releasing March 2012 – Hello, Apple thing Destiny wants. Goodbye, 700 more dollars. [Smoking Section]

Ever Wondered What It Would Look Like If A Bunch Of Playboy Playmates Tebowed? – In case you missed this yesterday, Burnsy accomplished one of my career goals: getting Holly Madison’s entire side boob on With Leather’s main page. New career goal: get it in my house. [With Leather]

Stephen Colbert Runs First Presidential Campaign Ad, Accuses Mitt Romney Of Being A Serial Killer – It’s an easy joke, but he’s at least as qualified for this as the people actually running, and he’d do something wacky like legalize pot without doing something wacky like racism. [UPROXX]

25 People Who Think MLK Day Is Milk Day – At least they aren’t Virginia, trying to shoehorn in two Confederate guys so we celebrate “Lee Jackson King” day. A girl I went to high school with once asked me, “who’s Lee Jackson King?” True, sad story. [Buzzfeed]

13 Artists Have Extraordinarily Bad Luck – Schleprock had better be on here somewhere. [Popcrush]

The 20 Biggest Second Week Drops in Box Office History* – Low budget horror films are like cinematic dubstep. [Pajiba]

What Is This Awkwardly Smiling Guy Doing with Mila Kunis? – It must be awful to be Mila Kunis right now. Sure, you’re rich and popular and beautiful, but Jesus, every other moment of your life is somebody standing next to you, smiling like this. The horror. [Brobible]

Trolling Election Billboards – Mitt Romney’s slogan should be “FOR I AM MITT ROMNEY, YOU SEE!” It’d be better than whatever TOGETHER FOR AMERICA bullsh*t he’d come up with otherwise. [High Definite]