Ashton Kutcher Continues To Make Lakers Games More Depressing Than They Are

If you’ve been a professional basketball fan for even just a few years, you’ll know without a shadow of a doubt that the Los Angeles Lakers are going to get the No. 1 overall pick in this year’s NBA Draft. The Milwaukee Bucks, Philadelphia 76ers and Orlando Magic could all lose their remaining games, and Adam Silver would somehow still pull the only ping pong ball that matters for the Lakers, who will then be on the clock for one of the so-called guaranteed picks in this year’s talent pool. That’s just the way the NBA works (in this conspiracy theorist and mid-market team fan’s mind).

Naturally, nobody on Earth pities Lakers fans for their team’s tank season, because they’ll win five more Larry O’Brien trophies before the Sacramento Kings or Utah Jazz win one. But from a pure basketball standpoint, it’s still pretty depressing (albeit relieving and refreshing) to watch a typical juggernaut suffer so much. What makes it even worse is watching Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis play the “You’re Schmoopy!” game at courtside every few games, like they did last night as the New Orleans Pelicans defeated the Lakers 132-125 in a defense-lacking fart fest.

We get it, guy who thinks he’s the Steve Jobs reincarnate – you’re the luckiest doofus in the world. Stop rubbing it in our faces. The silver lining will be when she leaves Kutcher for Wilmer Valderrama after he’s thrown in jail for tax evasion. What? You throw your pennies in a wishing well for personal gain and I throw mine for childish jealousy. It’s the American way.

What’s the exact opposite of this GIF?

Because that’s what these pictures make me feel.