CDC Report: Public Pools Are Full Of Poop

According to a new study published by the Centers for Disease (and eventually Teen Mom sex tape) Control, your local public pools are full of sh*t. Well, at least the pools in Atlanta are, because this CDC study was based on a series of tests performed on public pools in the matro-Atlanta area, and it was determined that 58 percent of the water samples contained what my 14-month old niece scientifically refers to as “POO POO!”

Now before you shun the pool altogether this summer, it’s important to remember that these results don’t necessarily mean that every little Edward and Katniss is running around dropping a D in the water. The nerds behind this study actually suggest that non-poopers like you and I may be responsible for this disgusting revelation and not even know it. We’re disgusting, bros.

“It’s important for swimmers to protect themselves by not swallowing the water they swim in and to protect others by keeping feces and germs out of the pool by taking a pre-swim shower and not swimming when ill with diarrhea,” Michele Hlavsa, chief of CDC’s Healthy Swimming Program said in a statement.

The study notes that, “each person has an average of 0.14 grams of fecal material on their perianal surface that could rinse into the water.” (Via International Business Times)

Haha, you’ve all got poop on you! But seriously, this just adds further evidence to my theory that science exists not to explain the unexplainable, but to disgust us until we’ve burned all of our clothes and traded them in for Hazmat suits.

Still, I refuse to believe that I’m walking around with even .14 grams of doodie on me, and I think I know who the real poopers are…