Charles Bronson Smothered Himself In Butter And Attacked 12 Guards Because Arsenal Won The FA Cup

Movie fans probably know Michael Gordon Peterson much better as Charles Bronson, thanks to the film Bronson, which starred Tom Hardy as the man who most people across the pond know as the “most violent prisoner in Britain.” Hardy’s performance as the brawler named after the famous actor earned rave reviews from the man himself, which is a good thing, because it stopped him from trying to rip everyone’s skulls out of their heads so he could brew toilet wine from their brains. But Bronson’s story has continued beyond the semi-fictionalized film about his life, as he brawled with a dozen prison guards in 2010 and faces even more time tacked on to his life sentence for attacking the Woodhill prison governor just a few months ago.

After Arsenal defeated Hull City in the FA Cup Final on May 17, Bronson (now 61) reportedly went on yet another berserk prison rampage, as he wrote in a letter to the ex-wife of deceased gangster Ronnie Kray that he once again went 1-on-12 against his prison’s riot squad. The reason? He’s a Tottenham fan, and just seeing Arsenal win is enough to push him over the edge.

Bronson, 61, wrote: “Not good news. I’ve had another rumble. This time with a dozen riot mob on the yard!

“Obviously I had my reasons and I’d sooner swallow teeth than my pride. Sadly I came off worst – got smashed up ribs.

“Life goes on Kate! You won’t hear me moan!”

The hard man added: “It was sunny! A scorcher! Arsenal was playing Hull. I so wanted Hull to win, coz I’m Spurs.

“I got Lurpak and spread it on thick. Then a small cloud appeared.

“I swear I see Ron’s face. It was eerie. Go on son, let ’em have it!” (Via Express)

Lurpak is a type of butter, and I’m told by my prison contacts that being covered in butter makes it more difficult for the guards to get their hands on you during such a brawl. It’s a favorite go-to tactic of Bronson, because this guy might be a lunatic, but at least he’s a man with a plan.