Last year, the Arizona Diamondbacks took Major League Baseball stadium food to another level by introducing the $25 D-Bat corndog. Sure, it was hardly the first ridiculous item to make its way into the concession stand of a pro sports franchise (and it still doesn’t hold a delicious candle to most minor league ballpark food), but the damn thing looked delicious enough and it inspired Keith Hernandez to make inappropriate comments, so we loved it all the same.
But today, the Diamondbacks shattered the bar and ceiling, and lifted us up to a baseball heaven made of sugar and empty calories with this culinary masterpiece pictured above.
The MLB has so many awards, from MVP to the Delivery Man, and yet the goddamned scholar and all-around beautiful person who came up with this Churro Dog, an ice cream sandwich I’d marry if a court would allow it, remains empty-handed. Hopefully, we will be able to one day fix this problem, and it will lead to an award ceremony led by Bartolo Colon.