Coco Crisp Got A DUI

The most deliciously named (pause?) MLB player, Coco Crisp, was nabbed for having too much to drink and driving around. Dammit, there goes his nonexistent value in fantasy baseball and real life! How am I supposed to win the “drive sober” matchup now?

Oakland Athletics outfielder Coco Crisp has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, the third major league player to be charged with DUI in the last three weeks.

The A’s said in a statement that Crisp was arrested early Wednesday in Scottsdale. He was released from jail and arrived at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on time to take part in pre-game drills before Oakland’s exhibition game against the Cleveland Indians.

The team said it is taking Crisp’s situation “seriously” and will have no further comment “until further details are available.” –ESPN.

One look at Crisp’s roster picture (which I also inserted into the picture above), and it looks like it’s not unusual for Crisp to be totally chocolate wasted. Also, if you want to yell at me for taking a joke from the movie Grown Ups, feel free to email me at with the subject line “I’m a stupid poophead.” Man, whoever owns that email address is going to be SO pissed.