Chicago’s Police Scanner Paints A Stupid And Frightening Portrait Of Cubs Fans Celebrating


Getty Image

Have you heard the big news? The Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series! After 108 years of being baseball’s punchline, the Cubbies have dumped that burden off on the Cleveland Indians, the team they just defeated in an epic Game 7. Naturally, as the North Side’s most faithful (and probably wealthier) fans partied in Cleveland – like John Cusack, who was reportedly vaping on the field like a champion – those back home in Chicago sprinted to Wrigley Field as the night wore on and the Cubs maintained a lead for most of the game.

Obviously, things got pretty tense in the 8th inning, after Aroldis Chapman gave up a game-tying two-run shot to Rajai-freaking-Davis, of all people, but when the rain delay was over and a smilin’ Kris Bryant tossed the ball to Anthony Rizzo for the final out of the World Series, the fans celebrated like the world was ending. (After all, there was a chance that might have happened, too.)

But then, as expected when dealing with hammered bros and psychotic fans who have waited their whole lives for this moment, sh*t got weird. Then it got awful. Let’s allow the Chicago police scanner’s twitter feed to walk us through the night’s stupidity and shameful fan behavior.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794034156091150336

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794038239569047553

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794040430455377920

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794040620537040896

At this point, I’m just picturing World War Z.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794041197673201664

Why? Why climb anything? Climbing is so stupid. The ground is the best place to be! I bet this guy agrees:

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794044572397543424

But it gets dumber.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794043228697821184

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794052822929027072

And way more dangerous.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794078510570618880

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794042187965231105

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794048890357956608

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794049823297060865

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794051581125632000

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794069274902011904

And obviously no car was safe, because nothing says celebrating the World Series like destroying some poor, random person’s automobile.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794054464571179013

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794059234132381696

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794060186763739137

Now, you’d think that eventually the idiots would wear themselves out and head home to pass out so they can resume their lives the following day, but nah. They needed to refuel.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794061766829359105

Then it was time for the explosives…

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794069842932350976

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794077859811770369

And the final act always involves the Randy Marshes of the city taking on the authority.

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794076260502818816

https://twitter.com/CFGScanner/status/794081866022154240

We will certainly follow up once all of the arrest numbers and damage totals are in.