The Dugout: Don Zimmer Is Not Allowed In Without A Flex Pack

Sometimes old people don’t understand things.

Via Call4:

Don Zimmer has spent more than six decades in professional baseball, and he’s seen plenty of technological advances along the way: chartered airplanes, electronic scoreboards and even replay review.

But the notion that a traditional paper ticket is no longer the only way to enter Tropicana Field left the Rays senior baseball advisor slightly flummoxed.

[mlbvideo id=”31491175″ width=”650″ height=”400″ /]

In today’s Dugout, Don Zimmer confronts the reality of the Flex Pack.

The Dugout

LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: guys I got the best idea for a prank  
JackInTheBoxberger: tricking Erik Bedard into thinking he’s still got a shot in the Majors?  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: Telling people we suddenly have a reliable offense!  
EnnyGivenSunday: snay in peanobrittle can  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: nope nope and what, no, we’re gonna make an 83-year old baseball man believe he can’t see baseball anymore  
JackInTheBoxberger: that sounds … kinda horrible actually  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: God pulled that prank on my grandpa once  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: he called it Alzheimer’s disease.  
EnnyGivenSunday: snay go pop when he open can  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: just follow my lead  

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ZimmerDownNow: /handwrites letter to grandson  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: oh hey Don hey what’s up  
ZimmerDownNow: wull hello rhine just writin’ a letter to my grandson to thank him for the warmhearted birthday wishes, about to consult the world book encyclopedia to see how much it costs to mail a letter with three werther’s originals sealed up inside!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: wanted to make sure you got one of these cards /hands Don a Sub Club card  
ZimmerDownNow: fer subs?  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: no y’see Don we’ve moved into a 21st century cashless and paperless economy so we’re doing away with both money and paper  
ZimmerDownNow: ooh … /stares down in confusion  
EnnyGivenSunday: /snickers  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: showing this card is the only way you’ll be able to get into the park from now on. They have to see it because science.  
ZimmerDownNow: no i don’t!! they know me!!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: sorry Don that’s how science works now  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: yeah without that you’ll have to sit out in the parking lot while we play baseball!  
ZimmerDownNow: no i won’t! i won’t!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: that card is called a “Flex Pack”  
JackInTheBoxberger: Like the wrestler!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: you don’t use a ticket and you don’t use money, you get into the park and buy all your food by showing the Flex Pack  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: we aren’t gonna have seats anymore, you’ll just put the Flex Pack on the ground and sit on it. We’re filling up the touch tank with a bunch of floating Flex Packs  
ZimmerDownNow: i can get food whenever i want!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: nope, Flex Pack. Outside of the Flex Pack you have a 20% chance of survival.  
ZimmerDownNow: i’ve been here for 60 years! joe’ll gimme some beef stew if i say hey joe gimme some beef stew! i’ve earned that!  
EnnyGivenSunday: lol beefstu  
ZimmerDownNow: it tastes great!!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: sorry to be the bearer of bad news Don but even beef stew is on the Flex Pack. It’s all about new technology.  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: to look at our mascot you’ll have to punch a pin-sized hole in your card and look at him through the Flex Pack  
ZimmerDownNow: i don’t care about technology!!  
JackInTheBoxberger: if you ever want to make love to your wife again you’ll have to do it with Flex Pack!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: jesus brad  
ZimmerDownNow: … /stares off into distance  
ZimmerDownNow: but but but i love base ball  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: I know Don Flex Pack is a real drag on us all  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: thanks a lot, Obama.  
ZimmerDownNow: this is my life, oh gosh, oh gosh /begins to softly sob  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: aw man  
JackInTheBoxberger: See, I told you this was a bad idea!  
ZimmerDownNow: what do I tell my GRANDSON, he doesn’t HAVE flex pack HE WON’T BE ABLE TO GET IN AWWWRHH /heavy sobs  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: look, uh, Don, we’re just messing with you, man, you’re old and we thought this would be hilarious, Flex Pack is a terrible idea and we’re sorry  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: sorry, Coach Zimmer.  
ZimmerDownNow: wh- whuh?  
EnnyGivenSunday: lol with flegs pag you can’ watch beisbol it may you sad  
ZimmerDownNow: grrrr WHY I OUGHTA /charges  
EnnyGivenSunday: /

ZimmerDownNow: gurgle  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: uh, new prank, everybody run  
Photos link to player info. The Dugout