The Dugout: Don Zimmer Is Not Allowed In Without A Flex Pack

03.13.14 5 years ago 10 Comments

Sometimes old people don’t understand things.

Via Call4:

Don Zimmer has spent more than six decades in professional baseball, and he’s seen plenty of technological advances along the way: chartered airplanes, electronic scoreboards and even replay review.

But the notion that a traditional paper ticket is no longer the only way to enter Tropicana Field left the Rays senior baseball advisor slightly flummoxed.

In today’s Dugout, Don Zimmer confronts the reality of the Flex Pack.

The Dugout

LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: guys I got the best idea for a prank  
JackInTheBoxberger: tricking Erik Bedard into thinking he’s still got a shot in the Majors?  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: Telling people we suddenly have a reliable offense!  
EnnyGivenSunday: snay in peanobrittle can  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: nope nope and what, no, we’re gonna make an 83-year old baseball man believe he can’t see baseball anymore  
JackInTheBoxberger: that sounds … kinda horrible actually  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: God pulled that prank on my grandpa once  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: he called it Alzheimer’s disease.  
EnnyGivenSunday: snay go pop when he open can  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: just follow my lead  

**Online Host**
Welcome to the Tampa Bay Rays Chatroom!

ZimmerDownNow: /handwrites letter to grandson  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: oh hey Don hey what’s up  
ZimmerDownNow: wull hello rhine just writin’ a letter to my grandson to thank him for the warmhearted birthday wishes, about to consult the world book encyclopedia to see how much it costs to mail a letter with three werther’s originals sealed up inside!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: wanted to make sure you got one of these cards /hands Don a Sub Club card  
ZimmerDownNow: fer subs?  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: no y’see Don we’ve moved into a 21st century cashless and paperless economy so we’re doing away with both money and paper  
ZimmerDownNow: ooh … /stares down in confusion  
EnnyGivenSunday: /snickers  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: showing this card is the only way you’ll be able to get into the park from now on. They have to see it because science.  
ZimmerDownNow: no i don’t!! they know me!!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: sorry Don that’s how science works now  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: yeah without that you’ll have to sit out in the parking lot while we play baseball!  
ZimmerDownNow: no i won’t! i won’t!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: that card is called a “Flex Pack”  
JackInTheBoxberger: Like the wrestler!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: you don’t use a ticket and you don’t use money, you get into the park and buy all your food by showing the Flex Pack  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: we aren’t gonna have seats anymore, you’ll just put the Flex Pack on the ground and sit on it. We’re filling up the touch tank with a bunch of floating Flex Packs  
ZimmerDownNow: i can get food whenever i want!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: nope, Flex Pack. Outside of the Flex Pack you have a 20% chance of survival.  
ZimmerDownNow: i’ve been here for 60 years! joe’ll gimme some beef stew if i say hey joe gimme some beef stew! i’ve earned that!  
EnnyGivenSunday: lol beefstu  
ZimmerDownNow: it tastes great!!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: sorry to be the bearer of bad news Don but even beef stew is on the Flex Pack. It’s all about new technology.  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: to look at our mascot you’ll have to punch a pin-sized hole in your card and look at him through the Flex Pack  
ZimmerDownNow: i don’t care about technology!!  
JackInTheBoxberger: if you ever want to make love to your wife again you’ll have to do it with Flex Pack!  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: jesus brad  
ZimmerDownNow: … /stares off into distance  
ZimmerDownNow: but but but i love base ball  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: I know Don Flex Pack is a real drag on us all  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: thanks a lot, Obama.  
ZimmerDownNow: this is my life, oh gosh, oh gosh /begins to softly sob  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: aw man  
JackInTheBoxberger: See, I told you this was a bad idea!  
ZimmerDownNow: what do I tell my GRANDSON, he doesn’t HAVE flex pack HE WON’T BE ABLE TO GET IN AWWWRHH /heavy sobs  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: look, uh, Don, we’re just messing with you, man, you’re old and we thought this would be hilarious, Flex Pack is a terrible idea and we’re sorry  
TheyllNeverBeliveau: sorry, Coach Zimmer.  
ZimmerDownNow: wh- whuh?  
EnnyGivenSunday: lol with flegs pag you can’ watch beisbol it may you sad  
ZimmerDownNow: grrrr WHY I OUGHTA /charges  
EnnyGivenSunday: /

ZimmerDownNow: gurgle  
LeaveLoveBleedinInMyHanigan: uh, new prank, everybody run  
Photos link to player info. The Dugout

Around The Web

People's Party iTunes