Forget Turkey, Here’s The Bro Who Broke The World Record For Swallowing Swords

According to the Sword Swallowers Association – which I swear is safe for work – Ian Brown is a relative newcomer to the world of sticking dangerous blades into one’s esophagus, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not trying to figuratively carve his niche. Brown only recently decided that he wanted to partially ingest weaponry, yet he already holds the United Kingdom’s record for Most Curved Swords Swallowed at Once with a whopping two. And now, as if to tell the world that he is the king of curved swords, Brown has laid claim to the world record for longest sword swallow, as he held two blades in his throat for 13 seconds. Eat your heart out, Sasha Grey.

The attempt actually broke Brown’s previous record of 8 seconds, and while you’d think that a guy would get all Little Junior Brown for having that much metal in his mouth for that long, this Brown says it ain’t no thang but a METAL POINT TOUCHING HIS DIGESTIVE TRACK.

Stuntman Ian said: “I started by trying to swallow a bent coat-hanger and gradually progressed.

“Some nights my girlfriend will be watching the telly and there I am doing weird things like swallowing swords or hammering a nail into my face.”

He added: “Mastering sword swallowing takes dedication.

“People shouldn’t even attempt it until they have a good base of other skills.

“I started with a bed of nails and hammering a nail into my face.” (Via The Sun)

Yeah, for reals, people. You can’t just up and decide that you want to shove 3-feet of metal down your throats. You have to start out simple by pounding spikes into your face. Then, you can steady your gag reflex by sliding a wire coat hanger into down to your stomach. Then, and only then, can you aspire to do things like pull a car with a sword that is inserted into your throat. Baby steps.

Meanwhile, here’s the video of the Circus of Horrors, which gave Brown his start on this path to fame and presumable internal bleeding, competing on Britain’s Got Talent. I believe this is from the season that was won by that one pop star or group that was hated in England but loved in America. You know, that one.