How Many Sports Metaphors Can We Mix Into This Dwyane Wade Highlight?

05.29.12 6 years ago

Dwyane Wade's greatest highlight.

If the San Antonio Spurs and Oklahoma City Thunder gave us The Avengers on Sunday, then the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics gave us, at best, Italian Spider-Man yesterday. Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals was as much of a dick-measuring contest as it was a basketball game, with the Celtics trying desperately to prove their “Big 3” could hang with Miami’s “Big 2 and That Other Guy Who Will Play Again Eventually” and the Heat proving they didn’t need that other guy to win.

The Heat rolled to an easy 93-79 victory, holding the Celtics to less than 20 points in the first, third and fourth quarters, but it’s also worth mentioning that the Celtics blew the Heat away in one specific category – technical fouls. Five to the Heat’s zero, to be specific. Hell, even Miami fans had to chuckle at the absurdity of this T on Doc Rivers. But aside from sparking a “David Stern wants the Heat to win” conversation – and by all means, have at it – I actually enjoyed the outstanding play of Dwyane Wade and LeBron James.

The pair combined for 54 points and plenty of individual highlights – my favorite probably being this exchange between James and Kevin Garnett – but I simply loved the deep pass by Wade to James because of the 8 zillion “quarterback controversy” jokes it launched. The Miami Dolphins are just way too easy to make fun of.

If I had any video editing skills at all, I’d re-edit that clip with 6 minutes of terrible sports analogies. “Wade with the chip shot from the rough!” “Wade with the kick flip to nose grind!” “Wade with the swizzle to toe loop jump to stag leap!” And other such terms.

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