Jon Heyman Is Such A Brave Crusader

With the Major League Baseball winter meetings under way in Dallas, this surprisingly stagnant free agency period is hopefully about to get a lot more entertaining. When the Miami Marlins are providing the only real excitement by signing Jose Reyes and overpaying Heath Bell, we’ve got a problem. Hell, I was at least hoping that 4 or 5 teams would be running smear campaigns against each other for the sake of signing Prince Fielder. But nope, bunch of jerks running these teams.

Thankfully, we have journalists like Jon Heyman, of Sports Illustrated and Scott Boras’ supple teat fame, who strapped a car battery to the testicles of this week’s meetings with a Tweet that would make Donald Trump proud.

If albert pujols wants to beat $200M 9-yr cardinals offer, he should produce birth certificate. skepticism abounds over 31 claim

Ah yes, the age thing again. You see, Albert Pujols is from the Dominican Republic, so he is most certainly lying about his age. It’s just like how all Iranians are terrorists, Greek men have sex with sheep and the Irish are all drunks. OK, maybe that last one is a bad example. But Heyman’s accusation – which echoes that of Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria – is pretty ballsy.

Let’s pretend for a minute that Pujols isn’t 31-years old. Let’s also go ahead and assume that he’s completely loaded up on steroids and HGH like some ignorant baseball fans like to believe to make themselves feel better about their teams sucking. Wouldn’t someone out there, some young, hungry bloodhound journalist, be trying desperately to reveal the truth? You know, instead of Tweeting it like a keyboard hard ass?

Pujols has put up monster numbers since the day he joined the St. Louis Cardinals, so it would make sense if after 3 or 4 seasons someone would have tried to dig up some dirt on the guy, much like Alex Rodriguez. But it hasn’t happened. Not once in 11 seasons has anyone stepped forward with hard, damning evidence that Pujols has done anything wrong, whether lying about his age – which would have not benefitted him when his family emigrated to the U.S., by the way – or using performance-enhancing drugs. But Heyman, the journalist, only cares about “skepticism.” In that case, I’m skeptical that Heyman doesn’t have Ken doll genitalia.

(Image via Tauntr; hat tip to Hardball Talk.)