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Last month, self-proclaimed winner and Miami Marlins President David Samson had to do a little “I don’t really give a sh*t but here ya go…” damage control after people discovered that his profile for the CBS reality series Survivor made it seem like he was bragging about basically tricking Miami-Dade County into footing an outrageous bill for the Marlins’ stadium. Samson said his pride in having a high-class stadium built for his team of perennial underachievers was taken out of context, and he didn’t say it like some sort of John Grisham villain, but he could have said that his goal was to fill the stadium with puppies and people would have responded, “Oh, and how are you paying for those puppies, A-hole?”
Samson also doubled and tripled down on the douche by bragging about how he leads without actually doing any work and by claiming that his reason for being on Survivor was “Winning!” I don’t know if he said it like Charlie Sheen, but I just assume that he did. He also said that he thought he would win Survivor because “I always win, because people underestimate me” and last night, after the first hour of the first episode of this season of Survivor, Samson certainly won. Wait, no… we won, because Samson was the first person voted off.
Clearly, this is the most Marlins thing that could have happened to Samson on this reality series, short of him doing really well despite the odds, but the ratings being absolutely atrocious. And since he’s already done, Marlins and baseball fans in general celebrated in unison last night, because DING DONG the douchebag is done.
And so on and so forth.
Just in case you came here thinking this is a story about embattled New Jersey Port Authority official David Samson, this is regarding the Miami Marlins President that wore a dress shirt and boxers to compete on Survivor. Big difference, I think.
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I would just like to point out that I called this in my preview article.
[www.uproxx.com]
I don’t want to defend David Samson at all , but the producers tell them what to wear to the island on their first days. He was required to wear the blazer and button down.
correct.
UNCLE CLIFFY OR WE RIOT!
I was easily reminded that he was the President of the Marlins when he commented that he had to get rid of the one good player on his team.
I’m guessing that the professional poker player has never won a pot with a “straight”….
Overall that was a pretty fantastic premier of Survivor. From the “spy shack” to the absolutely bonkers second tribal council, this show has been on a roll for like 3 or 4 seasons at least now.
Spy Shack was amazing, as was the chick who blew the second challenge and proceeded to pour the rice on the fire. At Garrett, a classic douche who is eliminated in the second episode WITH AN IMMUNITY IDOL IN HIS BAG.
I feel like this might be a great season.
*And
Does he build the Marlins for the World Series without a thought of how to get there? Because that was basically his Survivor strategy. “I am going to get rid of people who might be a threat at the end, because of course it is a foregone conclusion I’ll make it that far.”
wait, how did a guy who’s (i would assume) a millionaire end up on Survivor? Wouldn’t the other people on the show immediately be like “fuck this guy, he doesn’t need the money as bad as I do” and just vote him off?
millionares end up on the show every season. if they’re a really public figure like Jimmy Johnson or the NBA player on this year, they usually get by on other players liking them a lot. if they’re not a public figure, they usually lie about their wealth and job