Kroger Is Deeply Sorry For Iceburning Matt Schaub

Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub is having the kind of season horrible dreams are made of. He’s thrown a pick-six in five straight games, has fans ritualistically burning his jersey and has random people accosting him at his home. Now comes the coup de grâce: he’s being made fun of by local grocery store Halloween decorations.

We’ve got a lot of grocery store chains in Texas, but the finest of them (assuming Whole Foods counts as a money-sucking Sarlacc and not a grocery store) is Kroger, and they’ve joined in the passive-aggressive fight against Schaub by writing R.I.P. MATT SCHAUB’S ARM on a decorative tombstone. It’s the kind of iceburn you’d expect from Disney’s Haunted Mansion. Check it out:

This was easily the most hurtful food-related insult since Skeeter’s Mesquite Grill offered a Schaub’s failure-themed burger, and because this is 2013, apologies were demanded.

Kroger later apologized for the incident and issued the following statement:

“Kroger would like to express tremendous regret over the derogatory Matt Schaub sign that was displayed at one of our store locations. It was created without the direction and approval from our marketing department. The sign has been removed. Kroger has been a proud sponsor of the Houston Texans for several years—in fact, this past weekend, we supported the Texans’ Pink Ribbon Day game, which promotes breast cancer awareness, a cause which Kroger is deeply committed to, and we’re excited to root on the team for the remainder of the season.”

H-E-B would never talk shit about you like that, Matt.

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