LeBron James And Dwyane Wade Hate Chris Bosh With A Passion

Over the weekend, Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh had his bachelor party in Las Vegas, and he and his friends dubbed it, “The Hangover 3”. Get it? Like the movies. You know, the two movies about the group of friends who get drugged and have an outlandish adventure only to have to piece it back together the next day to find their missing friend? Just like that. Except nothing like that at all.

According to the New York Post, Bosh and friends started the weekend off at a shooting range to blow off steam, and then followed it up with a Criss Angel magic show at which Bosh was used in one trick (the levitating ostrich?), a pool party at Tao, gambling, a paintball game, and a Mark Curry comedy show. Someone get me a new pair of pants because I couldn’t even handle writing about all that fun.

So why are we hearing about it just now?

Notably absent were Bosh’s teammates LeBron James and Dwyane Wade.

OK, let’s start with reality…

Dwyane Wade was in Paris for Fashion Week, because why wouldn’t he be? Gee, would you go to a run-of-the-mill, grown-men-act-like-frat-boys bachelor party in Vegas and watch Criss Angel perform “Watch me make my douche wand disappear in this Playmate!” or would you go to Paris with your smoking hot model and actress girlfriend and hang out with her smoking hot model friends?

And LeBron James probably didn’t go because it wasn’t being held in his honor like, “The Hangover 3: Starring LeBron James and featuring Chris Bosh”. Besides, if last year taught us anything, this is the month that he completely cuts off contact with the outside world, and he’ll probably host a TV show next week to tell us that he’s having his own bachelor party even though he’s not getting married. It’s going to be on the moon and anyone can attend if they pay a $6.8 million cover charge.

Big whoop, two ridiculously famous guys didn’t attend their friend’s average Las Vegas bachelor party for his second marriage, while he’s in the middle of a very public child custody dispute with his first wife. But sure, let’s try a hand at the tabloid version:

So like, our exclusive With Leatherite intel tells us that, like, Chris Bosh had this blowout BACHELOR PARTY OF THE CENTURY, where he hung out with HOLLY MADISON’S on-again/off-again magical boy toy CRISS ANGEL. Then they were spotted poolside at Tao, where they were joined by AUDRINA PARTRIDGE and SCOTT DISDIK for the biggest A-list reality star-studded event of the year. But nowhere to be seen were Bosh’s teammates LEBRON JAMES and DWYANE WADE! Our sources tell us that the two uber stars threw their own party right down the street while wearing shirts that read: “WE HATE CHRIS BOSH!” We’ll update this story as we make more sh*t up.

US Weekly, here I come!