Making Sense Of This Jeremy Lin Ordeal: Exotic Dancer Edition

Here’s an abridged version of the NBA offseason to date: The lockout changed nothing, owners didn’t learn, nor did they want to learn, because they’re still giving out awful contracts, and they just wanted to make sure they’d get more back from the league so they’d stop losing money. I think that pretty much sums it up, as the majority of teams’ decisions have been absolutely baffling to this point, including the situation of one Jeremy Shu-How Lin.

The decision could come today or it could be made on Wednesday, but either way, it appears that the New York Knicks are cutting ties with their out-of-nowhere phenom point guard, despite his incredible emergence last season and everything he instantly meant for Knicks fans. Oh, and there’s the matter of his marketability, too. But now it appears that the Knicks will not match the offer sheet that Lin signed with the Houston Rockets for 3-years, $25.1 million. The reason? It’s either because of the luxury tax or that Carmelo Anthony hates Lin. Regardless, Linsanity is probably goin’ to Texas, y’all.

Knicks fans are rightfully upset – and some realize it’s probably for the better – because Lin seemed like the positive alternative to the same old Knicks BS of superstar Anthony’s me-first attitude or signing Jason Kidd’s old balls – with a fresh DWI to add to the fun – so I called upon the greatest, most loyal Knicks fans that I know to tell us how they really feel. Take it away, exotic dancers of Rick’s Cabaret.

“We know our basketball,” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Alexandra. “I spoke to many of the girls and they are shocked that Jeremy Lin may be leaving the Knicks.”

“It would be linsanity if you let him sign with the Houston Rockets,” declared Rick’s Cabaret Girl Monica. “Jeremy Lin means so much to the Knicks and to the city. Don’t let him go,” she pleaded.

Rick’s Cabaret Girl Amber asks the Knicks management, “Don’t you remember how he made your team exciting again?”

“I am not allowed to reveal any names because we respect everyone’s privacy. But I danced for some Knicks last season. They told me that the team finally had the right chemistry–and this was when Jeremy Lin was playing, before he was injured,” explained Rick’s Cabaret Girl Harlowe.

“Wake up!” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Anaya. “The fans want Lin to stay a Knick. Things were going so good when he was playing.”

Located just one block from Madison Square Garden, Rick’s Cabaret is a favorite spot for sports fans to watch all the games on its multiple panoramic screens and Hi-Def TVs throughout the opulent three story club.

“We held a ‘Welcome to New York’ party for Carmelo Anthony when he became a Knick,” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Anna. “We don’t want to hold a ‘Goodbye Jeremy Lin’ party!”

This is devastating. To quote the appropriate brilliance of 30 Rock character Tracy Jordan: “There are tears falling on her boobies, Liz Lemon.”

(Special thanks to our friends at Rick’s; Banner via.)