Last Season: 8-8 (good first half of the season, garbage second half)
Key Additions: Ndamukong Suh, Kenny Stills, Jordan Cameron, lots of quality depth
Key Losses: Knowshon Moreno, Mike Wallace,Brian Hartline, lots of quality depth
The Dolphins have been mediocre and boring for the past several years, and, as a consequence, I don’t think they are getting recognition for the insanely busy offseason they’ve had. They picked up Suh, which will bolster an already very stout defensive line, but they also grabbed a high quality tight end with Jordan Cameron and replaced the unreliable Mike Wallace with Kenny Stills, who showed nice potential in New Orleans. QB Ryan Tannehill got paid the big bucks, and he improves every year.
The Dolphins have been on the cusp of relevancy for awhile now. Held back by bland-to-mediocre coaching and the almighty death star that is the Patriots in the same division, they keep putting together a roster that looks very much like it could get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs but can’t seem to make that leap. The whole AFC East looks to be strong this season but both the Jets and Bills have major questions at QB and the Dolphins don’t. The Patriots might not have Brady for a portion of the year if the suspension holds, which may hurt their chances (but let’s be honest, Pats are still the favorite anyway).
I believe in the Phins. I believe in the plain oatmeal that is Joe Philbin. I believe in the crushing power of EarthWake and Suhnami. I believe Ryan Tannehill can get it done. I believe the Dolphins can reach the playoffs and get eliminated in the wild card round by the Ravens.
Do actual Dolphins fans feel the same way? Let’s ask one.
Dolphins fan (and operator of Football And Rational Thoughts) Ehud fan preview:
Some people say that this is the year Miami Dolphins finally turn the corner. “If ever there was a time for optimism in south Florida, this is it.” they say. The Dolphins are a combined 23-25 in the Joe “vanilla ice cream with no toppings” Phibin era, so why would anyone think they are suddenly a legitimate playoff contender?
First, let’s look at the rest of the AFC East. The Patriots are worse on defense and across the offensive line, plus Brady is a big, fat cheater who might miss 4 games. The Jets are starting Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB because Geno Smith is drinking his meals through a straw. And the Bills are having a quarterback competition, which is code for, “We are not making the playoffs this year.”
Now consider a few of the ways in which the Dolphins improved this year.
– Signed Ndamukong Suh. Best case scenario, we have the top DT in football wreaking havoc all year alongside Cameron Wake and Olivier Vernon. Worst case scenario, he kicks Tom Brady in the penis and Roger Goodell suspends him for the rest of the season. Either way, it’s $114 million well spent.
– Revamped the WR corps to better suit Ryan Tannehill’s playing style (inaccurate).
– Signed TE Jordan Cameron, a player so good that he made the Pro Bowl in 2013 while playing for the Cleveland Browns – a team who started four quarterbacks that year – Jason Campbell, Brandon Weedon, Brian Hoyer, and one lucky fan who started a game as part of the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s partnership with the NFL.
In addition to these player acquisitions, the Dolphins beefed up their sports science and analytics department. What are sports science and analytics? I don’t know, but it sounds rad. I bet they’ve got lab coats and electrodes and all kinds of spreadsheets down there. These guys are charged with trying to find a cure for a condition that affects every member of the team. It is a disease known as “being the Miami Dolphins.”
Symptoms include:
Inconsistency.
Kicking field goals when you should have gone for it.
Committing penalties at the worst possible time.
Inexplicably losing to the Jets and Bills.
Lethargy in the month of December.
Pooping in your football pants when the playoffs are on the line.
While our sports scientists are working hard on some promising new treatments, there is currently no cure for the disease at this time.
2015 Miami Dolphins Prognosis: 8-8…again…
