Sports
It Almost Happened: Michael Jordan to the Clippers – I can’t hear “Jordan to the Clippers? It almost happened!” in anything but Phil Hartman’s Troy McClure voice. I wish this would’ve happened, just so I could’ve see the words GREAT CLIPS in big letters without having to get my hair cut. [Smoking Section]
Punte on The Wrestling Podcast – In case you think I’m turning With Leather into With Spandex (c’mon Uproxx, that’s a money idea), here’s the previous managing editor on TH’s wrestling podcast talking about wrestling. See? I’m not that weird. The best part is when they mention what a great job I’m doing! [The Wrestling Podcast]
Tony Dungy Picture Demands Captions – I was going to run this yesterday, but couldn’t come up with anything more clever than HE GAY. Obviously you want to go the Revenge of the Nerds route here, but I don’t even think Lamar would wear shorts like that. [Kissing Suzy Call-ber]
War Machine is Writing a Book – What’s next, a memoir from US Agent? [Cage Potato]
Cliff Lee’s Spit Capable of Extinguishing Forest Fires – Jon gets to the “super soaker where you had to wear a backpack” reference before I can. Cliff Lee is still my favorite baseball player, and the number three reason why I sort of root for the Phillies (numbers one and two being “Phillie Phanatic” and “my girlfriend” respectively). [SB Nation]
The Dugout: Meet the Daigles – People are telling me this is the “funniest Dugout in years”, and I’m flattered enough to #humblebrag about it here. I think the best names for boys is just nouns. [The Dugout]
Not Sports
Lindsay Lohan is Never Going to Jail For Real For Anything – Lohan escapes further arrest while technically being arrested, and I think she could reanimate and kill the body of Nicole Brown Simpson in front of everybody and still get away with it. And I’m in the minority, I don’t really care about foxy teen Lohan, but LOVE cracked-out, omnisexual, constantly smoking MILF version. [The Superficial]
Midnight in Paris is Bill and Ted for Liberal Arts Majors – Arguably Bill and Ted itself is Bill and Ted for liberal arts majors. Bogus Journey, definitely. Bogus Journey is the best, and if you haven’t watched it in 20 years, go back and do that now. The movie’s climax is FAKE BEARDS. [Film Drunk]
Winklevoss Twins Finally Give Up the Fight with Facebook – Brandon Stroud likes this. In an older joke, they should CGI two Tilas Tequila as the villains for the Myspace movie. [Uproxx]
Tom Hanks No Habla Espanol – His cries of “WILSON!” would’ve been less impactful if the’d been “wheel-SONE!” Tom Hanks is Woody AND Forrest Gump, he can speak whatever language he wants. Colin Hanks, however, should only speak Spanish. [Warming Glow]
