Sports
LOLNFL: Preseason 2011 Week 1 – The reasonable adult approach to professional sports is to wait for the pictures to go up and put a bunch of block letter words over them. It helps you cope with things like “collusion” and “being a Dolphins fan”. I had to make a fake AIM chatroom about baseball before I could handle it again. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
When Football Let Us Down: The Most Depressing NFL Eras Of Our Lives – The wistful counterpoint to LOLNFL, the guys at SB Nation recap their worst experiences as football fans. Mine is still “Sterling Sharpe got hurt, Dan Marino retired and I didn’t have anybody else to like”. [SBN]
Five Ways For Jon Fitch To Get Another Title Shot – Man, I don’t know how people get title shots in legitimate sports. I wanted to add a sixth one but the best I could muster was “attack the champion with a weapon from behind so when he recovers he’ll want revenge”. Does MMA have a Royal Rumble? [Cage Potato]
Steve Spurrier Has His Own Wine – So does Tim Tebow, but they’re totally different. [Dr. Saturday]
With Leather
Miley Cyrus: Bowling Legend – The next morning I’m wishing I’d gone with the headline BOWLING PARTY IN THE USA. Burnsy has started a Tumblr account to make things come out of Miley Cyrus’ vagina, so click this and see where it all began. I’m going to make a Tumblr about things going INTO Miley’s vagina. Wait, E! already does that. |With Leather]
The Dugout: Thome At 600 – Milestone Dugouts are always the hardest to write. When Manny quit and fled the country I couldn’t come up with anything poignant to say. I need more players to get Crohn’s Disease. [The Dugout]
The Best of the First Annual Los Angeles Beard and Mustache Championships – They should give a supplementary award to the “Most Likely To Be A Member Of Kings Of Leon”. [With Leather]
You Can’t Spell F*cked Without The U – Pretty soon we’re going to find out college football is fixed, and all those fumbles were done on purpose. If this scandal can somehow stop Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson from being a thing, I’m all for it. [With Leather]
Not Sports
This Week in Posters: Baby Goose Gets Top Billing – Amanda Seyfried with black hair is one small step toward the perfect woman. Justin Timberlake holding a gun and showing up in every movie is a giant leap backwards. I guess we have to put up with these things until he figures out another way to sing “ooh baby”. [Film Drunk]
Meme Watch: Friend Zone Fiona Is Someone We All Know and Love – Hilarious and spot-on. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been rejected and had to sit through an hour-long explanation as to why I’m such a great and awesome friend. [UPROXX]
Marvel’s Sexy Pajamas Turn Real Women into Fantasies – I will buy these for my girlfriend on two conditions. One, they stop putting dumb phrases on the thigh. Two, they make one for Dazzler. [Gamma Squad]
WZUP: 5 Unforgettable Martin Characters – I went through a phase where I mentioned Martin in every Dugout, and this is a good explanation why. Bruh-Man is still my favorite, and right behind Peter Brady and Chicken Boo on my list of the best TV characters ever. [Smoking Section]
