Morning Links: What To Read While You're Waiting For Best And Worst

E-van! Get the tables!

With Leather

The Dugout: Evan Longoria’s Police Report – If you missed Friday’s edition of The Dugout, don’t; it contains references to Ice Cube, MotorStorm, and Evan Longoria stealing from dying children with an automatic weapon. Exactly the kind of thing sports blogs should be covering. [The Dugout]

The Greatest Collection of Kate Upton Photos Ever – Reproduced for no reason, really, one of our Kate Upton galleries. This is the kind of thing you should revisit on a Monday morning to get your blood pumping. Also, to remind yourself that no woman is perfect and they’re all disappointing and flawed! [With Leather]

Happy 58th Birthday Hulk Hogan, Now Here’s Your Naked Daughter – Brook’s comments on Twitter: “Im SO sick of people saying me and my dad are in some perverted relationship! Go home and do your own thing! Stop picking on me!” Our response? Stop giving us ammo. [With Leather]

Burnsy’s Bad Advice – A series you should click back through, if only to find the parts that are already wrong. I always want to say “fantasy sports are a crap shoot, not a science, you can just pick people based on chaos theory and win”, and then I remember how every month we do DraftStreet fantasy sports and the same 10 guys murder me, so maybe Burnsy just knows what he’s talking about. [With Leather]

Elsewhere On Uproxx

Jay-Z & Kanye West – Otis Video – Worth it for the in-character Tom Haverford cameo. Somewhat not worth it for Kanye West’s inability to try hard. Sorta like listening to the radio and someone’s conversation at the same time. [Smoking Section]

The Greatest Collection of Corgi GIFs Ever Created – If Queen Kate Upton didn’t make you click, the cute dog from Cowboy Bebop will. I pretend every corgi I see is Ein. Makes me feel a little better about not living in the post-apocalyptic future. [Warming Glow]

Tom Felton Attempts to Slytherin in Your Pants with Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines – Tom Felton should attempt to stop making his face look forty. [Gamma Squad]

Director Promises Human Centipede 3 Will Be 1,000 Percent More Medically Accurate – Sometimes I wish perverted movies could be made by artists, and not just perverts. I like that the original concept of “haha ew they’re pooping in each others’ mouths” has now been enough to make three movies. [Film Drunk]

Not Sports

10 Commercials from Famous Directors – I don’t know a lot, but I know David Fincher’s “Leave Nothing” Nike commercial with LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu is the best commercial of all time. That sh*t makes me cry, and is legitimately better than 9 of 10 movies. [Ask Men]

Hanson Is Feuding with Kings of Leon – I’m siding with Hanson on this one. Honestly, I’d side with Hitler if he was feuding with the Kings of Leon. Ugh, Kings of Leon. I liked you guys better when you were trying to be Stillwater. [FARK]

More Accurate Titles for New Fall TV Shows – “Crap with eight episodes you’ll scroll past on Hulu Plus to get to Parks and Rec.” There, I saved you ten minutes of reading. [College Humor]

Cinema’s 12 Greatest Albino or Albino-like Characters – Chances are I’ll link any article that lets me make a Powder joke. I hope the director went to the studio execs and said “okay, I want to make a movie about a guy who gets pushed in the mud so he kills himself with lightning”. [Pajiba]