The Wild Card round of the NFL Playoffs kicks off this weekend with a slate of four games ranging from hilarious (Raiders at Texans) to predictable (Dolphins at Steelers, Lions at Seahawks) to this should probably be taking place in a later round (Giants at Packers.) Needless to say, it’s not the most thrilling Wild Card round we’ve ever seen, which opens the door for Madden 17 to inject a little bit of excitement to what has felt like a down year in the NFL.
I’m going to refrain from offering opinions about all of the things wrong with the NFL in a post that ultimately boils down to a meant-for-fun Madden 17 simulation of the 2017 NFL playoffs, but in an effort to sell you on this concept I will say that there is no way the real NFL Playoffs match the absurdity Madden 17 is predicting in the simulation you are about to read. It goes places we’ve never been.
Most NFL pundits are predicting a very obvious New England Patriots run to the Super Bowl vs. a weak, injured AFC. The NFC is a lot less predictable, but Vegas still has the No. 1 seed Dallas Cowboys as favorites, with a lot of money pouring into sportsbooks everywhere on the red hot Green Bay Packers.
Madden 17, though, cares not for your predictions, pundits. Madden 17 cares not for your odds, Vegas. Madden 17 marches to its own beat, and boy did Madden march.
Without further ado – here’s how Madden 17 is predicting the 2017 NFL Playoffs will go down. Buckle up, it’s a doozy.
AFC Wild Card
Oakland Raiders (5) vs. Houston Texans (4)
Nothing says NFL Playoffs quite like Connor Cook vs. Brock Osweiler. Every good joke about this matchup has already been said, so I won’t even make an attempt here.
Madden 17 is predicting a tough outing for the Brocket Ship, and a surprisingly solid two touchdown, one interception performance for Michigan State rookie QB Connor Cook. The Derek Carr injury was a massive bummer for Raiders fans everywhere, but a good performance from Cook this weekend coupled with a playoff win in Houston is a nice pick-me-up. On to the Patriots!
Miami Dolphins (6) vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (3)
The Ryan Tannehill-less Miami Dolphins were facing an uphill battle against the Steelers in Pittsburgh any way you slice it, and like most are predicting before the real game even kicks off, Madden 17 has the Steelers cruising by the Dolphins 27-14.
NFC Wild Card
Detriot Lions (6) vs. Seattle Seahawks (3)
This one hurts. The Lions barely snuck into the playoffs, and they’re supposed to fly into Seattle and beat the Seahawks at home? For as fun and as unexpected as a deep Lions playoff run would be, that probably isn’t happening in real life, and it certainly didn’t happen in Madden 17. You’ll get ’em one of these years, Detroit.
New York Giants (5) vs. Green Bay Packers (4)
We’ve reached the point in this Madden 17 playoff sim where you find out that Aaron Rodgers is a Madden 17 god. The Packers put 52(!) points up on the Giants at home, while Rodgers goes 31-41 with 344 yards and 5(!) touchdowns. Yeah, the Packers are going to be a virtual problem.
AFC Divisional Round
Oakland Raiders (5) vs. New England Patriots (1)
The Connor Cook-led Oakland Raiders jumped out to a shocking 21-10 halftime lead, but a scoreless second half allowed the Patriots to crawl their way back into this one before taking a late fourth quarter 24-21 lead. The Patriots, and more specifically Tom Brady, played alarmingly mediocre against an undermanned virtual Raiders team. I’d characterize this as an unlikely result, but Patriots detractors can live vicariously through Madden’s prediction here.
Pittsburgh Steelers (3) vs. Kansas City Chiefs (2)
Not too dissimilar to the Patriots’ close home win vs. the Raiders from the top half of the AFC divisional round, the Chiefs eked out a close home win vs. the Steelers in their first playoff matchup. The Steelers had a 17-10 lead in the first half before going scoreless in the second half, leaving the door open for the Chiefs to pull this one out in Kansas City. Considering how evenly matched both teams are, a close win for the home team, particularly when that home team is the Chiefs, makes a lot of sense. On to New England!
NFC Divisional Round
Seattle Seahawks (3) vs. Atlanta Falcons (2)
Yikes.
I have no idea what would actually happen if the real life Atlanta Falcons were destroyed 49-7 by the real life Seattle Seahawks, but the internet would not be kind to Matt Ryan. This is just complete madness from the fine folks at EA Sports. The Seahawks recorded 625 yards of total offense, but I found the fact that the Falcons could lose this game by 42 points without committing a single turnover even more unbelievable.
Green Bay Packers (4) vs. Dallas Cowboys (1)
You thought 49-7 was bad? Madden 17 gave god-mode Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers a 52-10 win at Jerry World over the Cowboys. Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you imagine the chaos? The QB controversy? Madden 17 predicted a truly horrendous NFL playoff debut for Dak Prescott: 14-31, 172 yards, 0 touchdowns and 4 interceptions. Let’s check in on Aaron Rodgers while we’re on the topic of quarterbacks: 20-28, 306 yards, 5 touchdowns, 0 interceptions. That’s 10 touchdowns and 0 interceptions through two playoff games for the virtual Green Bay Packers.
AFC Championship
Kansas City Chiefs (2) vs. New England Patriots (1)
And down go the Patriots. What was supposed to be a cakewalk to the Super Bowl quickly turned into a series of subpar performances by Tom Brady culminating in a 38-31 home loss to the Chiefs in the AFC championship. Alex Smith, on the other hand, put up 402 yards on a Patriots defense I know real life New Englanders are worried about. This result would trigger an immediate second guessing of the ballsy Jamie Collins trade Bill Belichick made earlier in the season. You can’t give up 402 yards in the air at home in the playoffs after trading away your best cover linebacker and not hear about it.
Hey, the Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl though! How fun would that be?
NFC Championship
Green Bay Packers (4) vs. Seattle Seahawks (3)
Who wouldn’t be in for a Packers vs. Seahawks NFC championship? The Seahawks managed to slow down Aaron Rodgers, but slowing down from 10 touchdowns and 0 interceptions in your previous two games still resulted in a pretty damn good performance from virtual Rodgers. The Seahawks outgained the Packers by a pretty healthy margin, but the Packers won the turnover battle, and that was enough. Packers win, and on to the Super Bowl to face the Chiefs they go.
Super Bowl
Green Bay Packers (4) vs. Kansas City Chiefs (2)
Once Madden 17 gave Aaron Rodgers back-to-back 5 touchdown, 0 interception performances, you could have probably guessed where all this was going. Through all the chaos and absurdity, Madden 17 is predicting a very realistic Green Bay Packers Super Bowl win. Rodgers tallied 4 more touchdowns in the Super Bowl to bring his playoff total to 16 touchdowns and 2 interceptions through 4 games. To say there is no chance in hell of this happening in real life would be an understatement, but Packers fans can dream!
So what did we learn in this exercise? Someone inside the walls at Madden HQ is a huge Aaron Rodgers fan, for one, but more importantly, Madden 17 kind of made some pretty solid predictions here.
If you take out the specifics, namely the outrageous statistics and final scores, and look at some of the individual storylines Madden 17 is spelling out for us, a lot of them could happen. Do I expect Rodgers to destroy everyone like Madden says? No, but if you boil that down to Aaron Rodgers went on an incredible run and the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl, well, now you’re making a lot of sense.
Could Dak Prescott struggle in his NFL playoff debut? Certainly.
Could the Patriots defense and an aging Tom Brady cost the Patriots another Super Bowl Appearance? Certainly.
Could the Atlanta Falcons turn in a truly dreadful playoff performance? Certainly.
Could Connor Cook deliver the Raiders their first playoff win in seemingly forever? Against Brock Osweiler? Certainly!
We’ll have to wait and see how some of these scenarios play out, but until then, one last time, congratulations to the Green Bay Packers! Madden 17’s reputation is pulling for you.
