Oh God, They’re Remaking ‘Kickboxer’ With Georges St-Pierre And Batista

How would you feel if I told you someone was remaking Bloodsport with Chael Sonnen and WWE’s Randy Orton? Sonnen would be Frank Dux and Ray Jackson combined, and suddenly Chong Li would be really tall and orange and covered in skull flash. You’d be pretty pissed, right?

Welp, I hope that eases the news of a Kickboxer remake starring GSP and Big Dave Batista.

WWE star David Bautista and UFC champ Georges St. Pierre climb into the arena for the reboot of 1989 “Kickboxer.” Stunt man and martial artist Alain Moussi makes his debut as leading man in the film.

The Exchange will be selling the remake at Cannes.

Pic will be directed by Stephen Fung (“Tai Chi Zero,” “Tai Chi Hero”) and produced by Ted Field and his Radar Pictures. Dimitri Logothetis and Nick Celozzi. Mike Weber and Peter Meyer will executive produce as well as Brian O’Shea, Jeff Bowler and Nat McCormick for the Exchange.

Let’s all take a moment to let that sink in. Everybody good?

GSP’s gotta be Tong Po, right? So who does that make Batista? “Big Thai man?” That’s probably as close to an accurate casting as Batista’s ever gotten. Or hell, maybe Batista gets the Tong Po part. I always wanted to see an action movie villain who dressed like a 60-year old black comedian, tore his pants when he moved and couldn’t bend in the middle.

As long as they work in that unmistakable “80s action movie cheering crowd” noise I’ll give it a shot.

(Spoiler: No I won’t.)