Someone Started A White House Petition To Require Licenses For Operating TV Remotes

As dumb and meaningless as many of them are, I do not ever get tired of a good White House petition, especially when it would be a complete waste of our already inept government’s time and would, therefore, make Ron Swanson nod in approval. That said, someone has actually launched a petition on the White House’s We the People website to require “the guys that run the channel changers in sports bars” to obtain federal licenses that qualify them to do so.

You know, because you ever notice how when guys have the remote, they’re all like, “GRRRRRRR FLIP THROUGH THE CHANNELS FASTER!” while girls be like, “Click… Hmmm… Click… Hmmm…” Observational comedy!

The guys that run the channel changers in sports bars are pretty much ruining football Sundays. They have virtually no working knowledge of the DirectTV program guide. Most of them can’t distinguish between the Washington Redskins and the Washington Huskies. Also, sometimes they’ll have a low level golf tournament on when nobody is even watching it. If you ask them to change the channel you might get to see your game sometime in the next 30 minutes.

This petition proposes that in order to be licensed to run a channel changer in a sports bar, you have to pass minimum competency in these core subject areas: The DirectTV program guide, pointing the channel changer at the right TV, knowing which receiver the bar’s sound system is connected to, college and pro mascots.

Or, and this is just an idea from one bro who watches all the Sunday NFL action at a bar to another, find another f*cking bar. Because if you go to a bar to watch the NFL Sunday Ticket or even simply your local games, and anything else is on a TV in that establishment, it shouldn’t be open anyway.

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