The Texas Rangers Will Sell You A Two-Pound, 18-Inch Chicken Finger


Baseball is back, as Opening Day marked the start of the marathon that is the MLB season on Thursday.

It also represented an opportunity for fans to try out the new food offerings from their local ballpark. Baseball stadiums have become the best havens for gluttony this side of state fairs, as they will fry just about anything and create monstrosities no human should consume in one sitting — but that you can’t help but be curious about whether you can.

In Atlanta, that means a whole fried chicken — not an eight piece, but instead, an entire chicken, fully intact and fried. However, the good folks with the Rangers couldn’t let Atlanta take the crown for most ridiculous fried chicken offering that easily, so they cooked up a two-pound, 18-inch long chicken finger. Look at this thing.

Now, I say chicken finger because this is not a chicken tender, because there is no chicken tenderloin large enough for this to be one. As such, it’s a finger, because it has to be a mashup of a few chicken pieces — even if all white meat — to create this. Just like the whole fried chicken the Braves are selling, I can’t imagine this is better than getting normal chicken tenders and is likely worse.

The breading to chicken ratio is going to be way off, not to mention you’ll have to be housing it at an impressive pace to avoid this thing dropping to a less than desirable temperature. Still, like the whole chicken, it’ll make for some fun Instagram posts at the ballpark, and that’s half the battle now in getting folks to buy these things.