The college football world became enthralled this week by a story out of Texas so wild that it was initially hard to believe. A report emerged on Monday night that Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks’ pet monkey had bitten a trick-or-treater on Halloween.
What followed was one of the best nights college football twitter has had this side of Bobby Petrino, as Banks’ girlfriend took to the internets to clear the air. Danielle, fka Pole Assassin from her days as a stripper, has a monkey named Gia who used to help out in her act — the monkey has its own Instagram that is pretty incredible. She confirmed that a child had gotten bitten, but explained it was the child’s fault for going through multiple gates that said not to enter, ultimately ending up at the monkey’s habitat area where the kid got bit. She even gave a video tour of their backyard to provide evidence of all of this, before someone explained that was a terrible idea and the entire account got deleted.
The adventures of Pole Assassin and her monkey have since been the lead topic of college football shows, and on Thursday, Texas head football coach Steve Sarkisian was finally asked about it and brushed it aside, insisting it isn’t a distraction.
Texas football coach Steve Sarkisian said the monkey story is not a distraction at all. Said that's a personal matter.
— Anwar Richardson (@AnwarRichardson) November 4, 2021
It’s what you have to say in this situation, but with all due respect, a coach’s ex-stripper girlfriend’s monkey biting someone and becoming national news is, without a doubt, a distraction in some form. It might not even be a particularly detrimental distraction, but I can guarantee it has been discussed a lot by players when they are away from the coaches, even just laughing about how ridiculous it all is. Texas goes to Ames on Saturday night as a 6.5-point underdog to Iowa State and we’ll find out how focused they are then.
