The Dugout: Axe of the Dwarvish Lords

05.09.11 8 years ago 25 Comments

Back in April, the New York Times did a story about Mets knuckleballer/lobber R.A. Dickey and his unusually named bats, and while having a bat named after The Hobbit is pretty amazing, it’s nowhere near as amazing as the retraction at the bottom.

Correction: May 8, 2011

An item in the Extra Bases baseball notebook last Sunday misidentified, in some editions, the origin of the name Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver, which Mets pitcher R. A. Dickey gave one of his bats. Orcrist was not, as Dickey had said, the name of the sword used by Bilbo Baggins in the Misty Mountains in “The Hobbit”; Orcrist was the sword used by the dwarf Thorin Oakenshield in the book. (Bilbo Baggins’s sword was called Sting.)

I love living in a world where this is not only factual information about sports, but in need of such a hyper-specific, nerdy retraction. To enjoy today’s Dugout, please remember that R.A. Dickey owns a bunch of bats with Dwight Schrute names and that for a large period of my life I was very lonely and read a lot of books. Today’s Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

  **Online Host**
Welcome to the New York Mets Chatroom!
RADickal: After Thorin found Orcrist in the hoard of Tom, Bert, and Will, it was taken from him by the Great Goblin at the High Pass of the Misty Mountain!
KeepTheDevilDownInThole: whoaaaa
RADickal: The sword was recovered by Gandalf and returned to Thorin, but when the Dwarves were imprisoned in Mirkwood, Orcrist was once again taken, this time by Thranduil the Elvenking!

KeepTheDevilDownInThole: dude this is like a whole awesome part of history I never knew existed

RADickal: The Hobbit then tells us that when Thorin was slain in the Battle of Five Armies, at his funeral Thranduil placed Orcist upon Thorin’s tomb.
RADickal: This is to say, it was separate from the corpse of Thorin. However, The Lord of the Rings tells us that Orcrist may have been placed inside the tomb, with Thorin’s body.
RADickal: So yeah, that’s why I named this bat "Orcrist." It’s important to name your bats, I think
RADickal: when you’re a pitcher
RADickal: for the mets
KeepTheDevilDownInThole: do you have any other cool bats??
GeeUnit: preferably one that doesn’t make my dick shrank just from hearin about it
RADickal: Sure! This one I call "Hrunting," named for the sword Beowulf used to slay Grendel’s Mother in the epic poem.
RADickal: I use it when I have to Hbunt
RADickal: THIS bat is called Ultima Weapon, and it draws its power from the wielder. It gives me a +1 in batting .260
GeeUnit: mhoops, never getting laid again
RADickal: I think playing for the Mets made sure you were never getting laid again
RADickal: I mean seriously, do you think Keith Hernandez would say the stupid sh** he says if somebody had gone down on him in the last 30 years
GeeUnit: good point
GeeUnit: aight then that’s cool, you got any bats from Lufia Fortress of Doom
RADickal: what am i some kind of nerd
RADickal: This one is pretty easy, I call this bat "Excalibur."
BeatoBailey: like the arthurian legend!
RADickal: No, like the Victory class destroyer from Babylon 5. What’s the matter with you guys, haven’t you ever read a book?
KeepTheDevilDownInThole: wasn’t that a TV show
RADickal: it was also a series of critically-acclaimed novels
GeeUnit: maybe you should have less literate bats, we’re the mets man outside of meeting and greeting we cain’t really do a lot
BeatoBailey: toog me fife minnets to tipe "arthurian"
RADickal: uh, well
RADickal: this one I call Annabel Leigh, it broke back in middle school and left me stuck at 12 home runs for the rest of my life
GeeUnit: nothing
RADickal: okay here, I call this one "the bad guy from star wars."
BeatoBailey: sry don no what that is
KeepTheDevilDownInThole: You’re really dating yourself with these references! Heh!
RADickal: do you seriously not know the bad guy from f**king star wars
KeepTheDevilDownInThole: I know Star Wars is a MOVIE, but I was born in 1986, and yup just checked wikipedia it says Star Wars came out a few years before I was born

RADickal: They rereleased it in the 90s! And they made three more of them after that!

KeepTheDevilDownInThole: okay elitist, sorry, I just don’t pay a lot of attention to movies, or things that happen while I’m living
RADickal: okay well I call this one "Osama Bin Laden Rebecca Black Friday hashtag The Rock"
BeatoBailey: gasps
GeeUnit: not cool man, too soon
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