From the illegal aliens working in the kitchens of baseball’s biggest stars comes “Diamond Dishes,” a cookbook written by the wife of the monstrous, colored-lenses troll who owns the Florida Marlins. It is also the worst David Bowie album ever. Of course, “writing a cookbook” is like producing a movie, or inking a comic book. You’re just taking a hi res picture of yourself smiling while putting a fork in your mouth and pasting it to the back of a bunch of recipes. I’ve seen the Screech’s Secret Sauce episode of Saved by the Bell, I know how this works.

And man, is there anything worse in the world than when baseball players try to be “human?” Like when they record albums? I know you don’t walk around your house wearing a gigantic plain pastel blue sweater, Travis Hafner, you wear Affliction shirts and Under Armour and this picture of you holding a pie isn’t going to convince me differently.

Today’s Dugout is about cookbooks, and why they are so awesome.