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**Online Host**
Welcome to the San Francisco Giants Bullpen Chatroom!
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HachiMachi: /picks nose, looks at it |
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**Online Host**
MijaresFallingOut has entered the chatroom.
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MijaresFallingOut: sorry I’m late. this seat taken? |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: whoa whoa whoa, psst, hey, hey you |
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MijaresFallingOut: what |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: you don’t want to sit right there |
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AffeldtABoob: Yeah, that’s “Pooped His” Jeans Machi, he just sits on the bench shittin’ himself all day, it’s literally the worst |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: turds all day long |
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AffeldtABoob: yep, lays so many turds you’d think he was in the Cardinals bullpen |
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MijaresFallingOut: shit, alright |
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HachiMachi: //does that gross burp where he doesn’t burp outloud but you can see him do it in his throat and swallow it all uncomfortably, which is way worse than just hearing somebody burp |
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MijaresFallingOut: eesh |
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AffeldtABoob: we have to lay a blanket down if we know he’s gonna sit. |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: I have literally poured out a Gatorade cooler full of pre-sprayed liquid Febreze onto his corner of the bench and it hasn’t helped |
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AffeldtABoob: drops his manfume wherever he rests |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: those ladies who sniff garbage on TV and say it smells like a picnic have never met Jean Machi |
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AffeldtABoob: started calling him “stank abbott.” |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: we wrote a parody song about him set to Salt N’ Pepa’s ‘Shoop’ called ‘poop’ and it is hilarious, we made it up ourselves |
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SMiLE: jean machi doesn’t have a chin under his beard, he has another fist!! |
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MijaresFallingOut: … |
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AffeldtABoob: … |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: … |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: why the f**k are you still here, I thought you were dead |
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AffeldtABoob: yeah didn’t we get rid of you finally |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: I thought you’d retired to be the wall at Spencer’s Gifts full time |
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AffeldtABoob: are you even a pitcher still |
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SMiLE: :( |
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**Online Host**
SMiLE has shuffled away.
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GoodGaudinHeaven: the world’s pretty bad right now, but at least that guy’s not still a thing |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: anyway, Jean Machi smells like an asshole is what we’re getting at |
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HachiMachi: /starts licking his thenar space for some reason |
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MijaresFallingOut: you guys are dicks |
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MijaresFallingOut: we’re just a couple of Venezuelan guys trying to make it in the bigs and all you can do is be haters because Jean doesn’t “smell right” like you want him to, and because he’s… |
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MijaresFallingOut: the f**k is he doing now |
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HachiMachi: /leans forward
/grimaces
/lifts both legs |
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MijaresFallingOut: i uh, think he’s just getting comfortable |
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MijaresFallingOut: f**k it, I’m gonna sit right here. Right here next to my good buddy Jean! |
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GoodGaudinHeaven: your funeral |
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**Online Host**
MijaresFallingOut has settled into the seat beside HachiMachi.
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MijaresFallingOut: how’s it going, friend, what a beautiful day for a ball game, let’s play two, am I right /pats Machi on the back |
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HachiMachi: i liek tortles |
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MijaresFallingOut: me too, buddy, I like turtles too, turtles are great |
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MijaresFallingOut: … |
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**Online Host**
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MijaresFallingOut: AW YOU RANK MOTHERF**KER |
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SMiLE: got heeem |
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