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**Online Host**
Welcome to the Cleveland Indians Bullpen Chatroom!
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KluberLang: Great job going 18-for-18 on your academy awards picks, johnny, that’s the coolest thing to happen in Cleveland in like 65 years |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: WHAT’RE YOU A PRECOG OR SOMETHIN |
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HorseKetchup: I played with a precog in San Diego. Tommy Medica. He can hear shapes! |
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EverythingIAxford: it wasn’t that hard, guys, didn’t need to be a einstein to know “uptight sci fi by acclaimed nerd director” would win a bunch of awards and “movie says slavery was bad” would win the rest |
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EverythingIAxford: the other stuff was just me paying attention, like ‘let it go’ winning best song. have you talked to a child in the last year |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: THAT OWL CITY SONG FROM THE CROODS WAS ROBBED |
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EverythingIAxford: oh my god is that a thing |
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KluberLang: look, I think it’s pretty suspicious that an Indians pitcher could do something successfully … what’re the chances you could do it again? |
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KluberLang: no, no … the 2014 MTV Movie Awards are coming up next month, and if you’re a true student of film you’ll be able to replicate your performance there. |
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KluberLang: basic science |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: OH FLIP WE JUST STOPPED BEING POLITE AND STARTED GETTING REAL |
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EverythingIAxford: do you have a list of nominees or do i have to tweet hashtag nominees at deez underscore nuts MTV so they’ll get shaun white to tout them to me |
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KluberLang: nope, got them right here, I’ve been refreshing ONTD_awardzbitches all afternoon |
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HorseKetchup: Should we be practicing baseball? |
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KluberLang: first up, Best Picture, although they call it “least ratchet torrent” |
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EverythingIAxford: alright |
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KluberLang: the nominees are 12 Years A Slave, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones: The Search For Curly’s Gold Part 2, the Justin Timberlake ‘Mirrors’ video and a Doctor Who episode from seven years ago about the Weeping Angels |
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EverythingIAxford: hmmmmm |
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HorseKetchup: do children care about slaves? |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: CHILDREN DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHIN OR ELSE THEM CROODS WOULD’VE BEEN NOMINATED |
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EverythingIAxford: welp Jennifer Lawrence is probably the biggest star MTV can get now that Will Smith has turned into the black Don Knotts and they’re gonna want the awards simulcast on Tumblr via captioned GIFs, so I’m picking The Hunger Games |
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Outmander: is Macklemore featuring Ryan Lewis going to be at the show at all |
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KluberLang: next category, Best Actress |
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HorseKetchup: what do they call that one? |
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KluberLang: Queenest Bitch |
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EverythingIAxford: also JLaw, unless Beyonce was in a movie |
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EverythingIAxford: as an important aside, Beyonce is the new Chuck Norris … the minds of babies, gay men and lonely 20-something caucasian females default to BEYONCE IS GREAT SHE HAS DOESN’T HAVE A CHIN SHE HAS ANOTHER FIST UNDER HER BEARD at all times |
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KluberLang: the next category was Best Beyonce but I guess I’ll skip that one |
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KluberLang: Best Kiss, aka “most liked mouth selfie,” your nominees are JLaw and Whoever in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Slave and The Calendar Maker in 12 Years A Slave, Jonah Hill and a Fart Monster in Hollywood’s 70th Attempt At Making Jay Baruchel A Star, and Kevin Hart and Ice Cube in Ride Along |
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EverythingIAxford: JLaw |
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EverythingIAxford: put me down for “JLaw” for every category featuring JLaw, the mtv movie awards are gonna be on jezebel the next day so hard |
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Outmander: Macklemore featuring Ryan Lewis is probably my favorite new act some people say I look like him or one of them or both |
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HorseKetchup: Justin Masterson just got ran over by a lawnmower, we should probably pay attention to the game … |
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Outmander: he is a great artist and not mean and vain like all other rappers |
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KluberLang: up next is best musical performance |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: THE FOCKEN CROODS |
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KluberLang: … but since this award features music, it won’t be shown on MTV |
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EverythingIAxford: i see what you did there |
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KluberLang: yep, I am hilarious |
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KluberLang: last award is the hashtag “this could be us but you playin” award, but the nominees are Will Smith, Grumpy Cat, 12 Years A Slave and hashtag True Detective Season 2 so I legitimately have no idea what this is about |
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EverythingIAxford: you just aren’t down with the youth culture, doge will do a run-in and much win |
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TJHouseOnThePrairie: WOW |
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Outmander: I have his haircut under my hat |
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EverythingIAxford: don’t come at my 100%, bro, i wasn’t playing |
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KluberLang: all right, well … think you can do it with the Kids Choice Awards? |
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EverythingIAxford: “child i have never heard of who makes me feel old and disconnected from society” wins all awards |
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KluberLang: shit |
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