Sports

A Turkey Vulture Crashed Through Stephen A. Smith’s Office Window At ESPN Headquarters


ESPN

Chaos ran amok at ESPN’s headquarters in Bristol, Conn. on Tuesday morning when a live turkey vulture, perhaps armed with a hot take of its own, crashed through Stephen A. Smith’s office window. NFL insider and general scoop-getter extraordinaire Adam Schefter was luckily there to document the carnage.

Smith was not in his office at the time of the crash landing, but sent thoughts and prayers to the turkey vulture during this difficult time, understanding why it was so distraught over his move from Bristol to New York.

Fortunately, a few hours after the initial incident, the turkey vulture, who survived its disastrous foray into the office of the preeminent hot take giver and man who occasionally forgets who the current manager of the Los Angeles Angels is, was safely removed from Stephen A.’s office and presumably set free back into the wilderness from whence it came.

Questions still remain. What, exactly, did the turkey vulture want? Was it hoping to sub in for Max Kellerman and finally have the one-on-one debate with Smith that it has been dreaming of since it was just a speckle in its mother’s egg? Did it have strong opinions on the legalization of marijuana in sports that it wanted to present to Smith himself? We may never known. All that matters is that both Smith and the turkey vulture are safe. Perhaps they will finally meet in person one day in the future.

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