Hi, fight fans. We’ve got a pretty solid card coming out of Houston, culminating in a UFC Light Heavyweight title fight. The bouts start at 6:15 PM ET on UFC Fight Pass with early prelims, so let’s dive into the picks and predictions… right after a quick shout out to our friends at Roots of Fight.
In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Thrilla in Manila, Tyson Kidd’s favorite clothing line has launched a special capsule collection. Check it out here and enjoy the best, softest shirts ever made by man. (Burnsy note: I don’t get anything for pitching this stuff. It’s seriously because they’re the best shirts ever made. Tyson Kidd and The Rock agree with me.)
Now on to the predictions!
Important Standings of Note:
Jessica: 484-339-5 (59%)
Burnsy: 489-309-6 (61%)
Vince: 228-148-2 (61%)
Ryan: 10-5-1 (66%)
Danny: 161-77-1 (67%)
Spilled: 81-60-2 (57%)
Sydnie: 16-12 (57%)
Chris: 44-15-2 (74%)
NY Ric: 36-26-1 (57%)
Ghost: 6-7 (46%)
Seth: 32-15 (68%)
Biss: 41-39-1 (51%)
Jared: 96-54-1 (64%)
Melanie: 44-23 (66%)
Fake Mike Goldberg: 21-16 (57%)
Heavyweight – Derrick “The Black Beast” Lewis vs Viktor Pesta
Jessica: I’m nervous for the Black Beast, y’all. He might be facing down a pink slip if he loses this one. He has the skill to win, in the sense that punching things really really hard is a skill. Ehhh, I’ll go with Lewis, I’m sure his kids are still hungry. Black Beast wins by first round KO.
Burnsy: This is like the opening fight in a really bad MMA knockoff of Rocky IV. Like Jessica said, this is a big fight for the Beast, so I have to hope that he can summon all of his awesomeness (and especially his luck) to win this one. I’ll pick him, but I’m not convinced at all.
Flyweight – Chris “Kamikaze” Cariaso vs Sergio “The Phenom” Pettis
Jessica: Oh dip, to go from fighting for the title, to early prelims against Baby Pettis. Poor, poor gremlin-faced Chris Cariaso. Pettis is probably young enough to make big improvements from fight to fight. Plus, he’s got solid reach on Cariaso. Pettis takes a third round TKO.
Burnsy: I think Cariaso’s tank is pretty empty no matter how “confident” he feels after rewatching his loss to Mighty Mouse. I’ll take the rising 22-year-old over the slumping 34-year-old just about every time.
Lightweight – Francisco “Sitkayan” Trevino vs “Super” Sage Northcutt
Jessica: So this Sage kid got signed on the first episode of the Matt Serra reality show (Nobody else matters, give me more Matt Serra!). It would be super duper hilarious if he lost in spectacular fashion, but I have a feeling that Dana told Joe Silva to give him an easy path to victory. Northcutt takes with by third round TKO.
Burnsy: Look at Sage Northcutt…
I don’t know a thing about this kid, but I just watched his highlight reel on BJJ Eastern Europe and he definitely looks like he has a ton of potential. But look at this kid. If he doesn’t come to the octagon to an LMFAO song, double-fisting red Solo cups, I will be furious over the lost opportunity. Also “Super”? NAH, SON. You’re new nickname is THE BROBOT. You’re like a bro Terminator coming to us from another dimension to kick ass first and then flirt with the UFC girls later. Hell, ten bucks says he tries to slap Chrissy Blair on the ass. THE BROBOT WINS.
Lightweight – Adriano Martins vs Islam Makhachev
Jessica: Oh gee, I wonder who I’ll pick in this fight. SPOILER ALERT:
https://twitter.com/GrabakaHitman/status/647483365747245056
Plus Makhachev needs to get revenge on Martins for beating Khabilov. Islam wins with a second round submission.
Burnsy: I am really, really, really torn on this one, because on one hand Martins looks like Rafi and has won three of four since joining the UFC, so I like what this guy is putting out there. On the other hand, Islam is undefeated and… do you hear that? Neither do I. My undefeated fighter siren is not going off this time. Martins gets another win against Jessica’s favorite fighting tribe.
Strawweight – “Thug” Rose Namajunas vs Angie “Overkill” Hill
Jessica: Awww dangit, I don’t want anyone to lose! Rose is awesome, and not just because she was one of the first fighters to follow me on twitter, she’s a fun fighter to watch. Angie is a good striker, as is Rose, so if this is a standup fight, it should be RAD AS HECK. Rose is a dangerous grappler, though, so I can see her looking to get the fight to the ground. Hill struggled against Tecia Torres’ take downs, so I’ll say Rose takes things to the canvas, too. Thug Rose Namajunas gets a second round submission win (Flying armbar).
Burnsy: Coin flip goes to Overkill. I don’t know enough about either fighter to really pretend to know.
Welterweight – Alan “Brahma” Jouban vs Albert “Einstein” Tumenov
Jessica: Jouban’s a solid dude, and if I ever write up that “Handsome Hunks of MMA” roundtable, I imagine he’ll get a ton of votes. Tumenov is an expert at destroying brains. They have one common opponent in Matt Dwyer. Jouban took him to a unanimous decision. Tumenov did this:
Game, set and match to Albert Einstein. He wins this with a second round head kick KO.
Burnsy: Jouban just got a sweet modeling deal with freakin’ Versace, so I don’t know how much longer he’ll be sacrificing that pretty face of his. Both guys are 3-1 since joining the UFC, so I tip my cap to the league for a great matchup, but if I’m picking a guy it’s the one who has won three in a row. Einstein wins and leaves Jouban as the one with his head cracked wide open. (Great song reference there, Burnsy.)
Featherweight – Yair “El Pantera” Rodriguez vs Daniel “The Hangman” Hooker
Jessica: Gotta go with the Hooker in this one. He’ll lock up a submission in the second and force Rodriguez to tap.
Burnsy: EL PANTERA *air guitar, head bang, gets dizzy, pants fall down*
Flyweight – Joseph “Joe B Wan Kenobi” Benavidez vs Ali “Puncher King” Bagautinov
Jessica: Hey look, another fight I am slightly conflicted about. Ali Bags is kinda cool, reps Dagestan, and is the ultimate judge of HiP Show Arena Combat. On the flip side, he does like to take PEDs, which isn’t cool. Joey B is entering Jon Fitch and JDS territories, where he can beat pretty much anyone in the division, but still gets thoroughly handled by the champ. This is a non title fight and Mighty Mouse is nowhere to be seen, so I’m going with Benavidez to take this one via decision.
Burnsy: I want to pick against Jessica to mix things up a little bit, but Benavidez is going to win every fight that isn’t a title shot.
Bantamweight – Jessica “Evil” Eye vs Juliana “Venezuelan Vixen” Pena
Jessica: Eye disappointed and let me down by losing to Miesha Tate, while Pena looked good in her comeback fight, taking care of Milana Dudieva in the first round. I make fun of the name a lot, but SIKJITSU doesn’t seem to be a terrible camp. I’ll give the nod to Pena here with a third round KO.
Burnsy: Seriously, if Eye had just done her damn job and defeated Tate, I wouldn’t have to keep pounding my desk every time I see a stupid “Miesha Tate is mad she’s not losing to Rousey yet again” headline. Let’s get your acts together, rest of the women’s bantamweight division. Eye rebounds with a win here and then gets a rematch against Tate to finish what she barely even started.
Heavyweight – Shawn “The Savage” Jordan vs Ruslan “Leopard” Magomedov
Jessica: Thanks to a random guy in the crowd from Tajikistan, I managed to snag a picture with Ruslan back at the Orlando show last year. That, plus the fact that he represents that Dagestani Knuckle Game Cartel puts him super high in my books. Jordan’s okay, I guess, but c’mon, RUSLAN TIME! Magomedov wins with a solid second round KO.
Burnsy: By site law, I have to pick a Dagestani in one of these fights, otherwise Jessica will kick my ass. I like Ruslan a lot, so this is an easy one.
Light Heavyweight – Ryan “Darth” Bader vs “Suga” Rashad Evans
Jessica: It’s the first installment of the “Guys Jon Jones Beat” invitational! Rashad hasn’t fought in what feels like 5 years. Bader’s won four in a row since Evans last beat the heck out of Chael Sonnen. That being said, I didn’t mock Ryan Bader extensively in the first edition of the Uproxx Sports MMA Roundtable for nothing. Despite now entering “old as hell” status, I’m taking Evans in this one. Rashad takes a decision win.
Burnsy: Bader’s on a hell of a tear, beating the rising nuclear star OSP and knocking Mr. Wonderful out of the UFC and into Bellator. Evans, on the other hand, feels like he should be fighting Sonnen and Michael Bisping every other month in fights that are merely scheduled to make cards seem more exciting. I’d love to see a late surge from him like we’re seeing from some other old farts lately, but nah. Bader wins this one and inches toward a shot at the winner of the main event.
Welterweight – Johny “Bigg Rigg” Hendricks vs Tyron “The Chosen One” Woodley — CANCELED!
Light Heavyweight Title – Daniel “DC” Cormier vs Alexander “The Mauler” Gustafsson
Jessica: And it’s the second installment of the “Guys Jon Jones Beat” invitational! Gus will need to keep Cormier at distance, avoid Daniel’s wrestling and the power in his punches. That might not be easy, since DC is always fighting at a reach and height disadvantage, but he still gets inside on his opponents. I like Gustafsson, and he does have some outstanding dogs, but I just see Cormier taking this. I think he’s faced better opposition. Cormier wins by fifth round submission.
Burnsy: I was initially worried that this fight was going to be boring as hell following what I expected to be three rounds of unholy awesomeness between Hendricks and Woodley, but… yeah. Shit happens (get better Rigg). Now I’m worried that this one will be just flat out underwhelming. The solution to that is the Gus that I thought beat Jon Jones in his last title shot shows up and knocks DC out in the second round. I like DC a lot, and if the UFC knew how to market its non-Rousey stars better, his emotional promo for this fight would have been on every channel for the last two months, constantly reminding people that this is a champ that people can love. However, I’m still jonesing for that fearless monster version of Gus to show up again and prove that he deserves the title. I’m reluctantly picking The Mauler to become the new champ, but in my heart I hope DC wins and gets a better push from the UFC along with Chris Weidman and Mighty Mouse in a “Hey, we have more champs than just Conor McGregor and Ronda Rousey” PR blitz.
Performance of the Night
Jessica: Tumenov, Namajunas
Burnsy: Gustafsson, Benavidez
Fight of the Night
Jessica: Benavidez vs Bagautinov
Burnsy: I wanted to pick that one, so I’ll take Jouban vs Tumenov
