Last Year: 4-12, typical Skins.
Key Acquisitions: NT Terrance Knighton, CB Chris Culliver, S Dashon Goldson.
Key Losses: Their dignity, whatever was left of it. Also Brian Orakpo and Barry Cofield.
The Redskins are literally a live action recreation of the famous “ARISTOCRATS!” joke. You know, the joke where a family goes to a talent agent with an act, and the act is the most obscene thing you can possibly come up with, and the family calls it “THE ARISTOCRATS!”
The Redskins have been a dysfunctional mess for more than 15 years, with a couple lone bright spots led by Joe Gibbs and RGIII’s rookie season. The team goes through coaches with disturbing frequency and malice. Lots of coaches get fired, lots of coaches have bad blood when things go down, but none of it ever seems to happen quite on the level of the Skins. When things get messy in Washington, they get messy. Jay Gruden recently said that the media is trying to make them look dysfunctional, but the team has looked that way since before Gruden even had an NFL job. This current saga is just the latest in a long line of dysfunction.
RGIII is done. This preseason has been a nightmare for him. Let’s recap:
-RGIII calls himself the best QB in the game.
-Gets concussed two days later.
-Cleared to play.
-Turns out actually no, the doctor was terrible and he can’t play.
-Stories arise that the coaching staff and ownership are at odds about RGIII.
-Kirk Cousins named the starter.
-The wife of the GM gets the team in trouble after accusing an ESPN reporter of being her husband’s mistress.
-RGIII is not released, now officially gets to ride the bench.
The Skins had to remove even more seats from FedEx Field, for the third time in five years, due to declining interest. Who can blame the fans? If they even want to watch the tire fire of a football team currently in front of them, they might as well do it from the comforts of home instead of paying unreasonable prices.
It’s hard to look at Jay Gruden’s tenure so far and see a bright future. There are so many problems with the team, so many holes, and coupled with Snyder’s reputation for impatience and Gruden’s somewhat poor coaching so far, this year feels like a dead duck floating in an old motel swimming pool that no one wants to go clean up. Normally, Skins fans are so loyal in the face of probable disaster that they can find positives in anything. This year, even most Skins fans seem already hopeless. But don’t take my word for it, take a true sufferer of the team’s word for it.
Fan Perspective by Beer4TheBeerGod, a fantasy football specialist who runs charity leagues:
For the first time in memory, the Redskins fan experience is not one marked by the fickle temptation of hope. Previous years have allowed fans to hold on to some inkling of positivity that they have used to justify an irrational belief that the team will actually do well. This season, as we endure yet another round of the Daniel Snyder Football Experience, that hope is gone. We suck. Everyone knows we suck. Mediocrity is the stuff of dreams.
Our offense would be palatable if it weren’t for that pesky quarterback position. Our head coach, Gruden the Lesser, is actively praying for divine intervention so that he can actually run his team like a football organization. When you are eagerly anticipating the possibility of starting Kirk Cousins, you know your season is doomed.
Defense looks better, with a healthy number of FA pickups who should pose a threat to the run game. Unfortunately, our secondary was weak even before the injuries and a suspension, and our new D.C. is a retread from the Lion’s 0-16 season. Expect a lot of blowouts as opposing teams continue to throw the ball regardless of the score.
The biggest offseason move we made was to hire a general manager. Since 1999, Washington has had precisely two dedicated GMs; our current one and Vinny “Kindergarten Cop” Cerrato. Assuming Scot McCloughan is allowed to rebuild the team without owner interference (he won’t), we’re talking about a multi-year effort. Either way, the first step is demolition, and that’s what this season is all about.
Let’s go live to RGIII right now to get his reaction…
