What’s Your Morning Links Got To Do With Me?


Lucky Strikes: Rap’s 50 Greatest One-Hit Wonders – I will not support literature that casts dispersions on Positive K. Also, Vanilla Ice is the Billy Ray Cyrus of music, where people just ASSUME he had one hit, but he had like three. I mean, unless “Havin’ A Roni” suddenly wasn’t great. [Smoking Section]

The Official Warming Glow Fall TV Preview Drinking Game – “Community” (premiering September 22): Drink every time Annie is hotter than Britta, which is every time she’s on screen, and the only time you can stop drinking is in real life when you remember Alison Brie was in Born and Gillian Jacobs goes to Pro Wrestling Guerrilla shows. [Warming Glow]

Michael Bay Auditions a New Ferrari Washer: A Picture Story – Every thing with a moral tells me that sleeping with perfect-yet-disposable women like this is fun for like 40 years, but leaves you with a sense of artistic and personal emptiness. Michael Bay’s art is the best example of a thing with a moral. [Film Drunk]

Funny, Sexy, and Awesome Cosplay of the Week – These are incredible this week. I thought sexy Crow and Tom Servo was the best thing ever until I flipped a few pages and landed on someone dressed as Princess Allura from Voltron. omggggggggg [Gamma Squad]

Tea Party Zombies Must Die Lets Gamers Kill Right Wing Zombies – 2011’s “Beat Up Barney!” Sorry, but Mutant League Hockey already gave me the ability to kill right wingers. [UPROXX]

Want to See the Rejected Cast of Star Trek? – Sure. Is Welshie in here somewhere? [Gamma Squad]

Naked Man Found Dead in Hot Tub with TV Weatherman After Gay S&M Drug Party – I wish I could write headlines like this at With Leather, but nobody from the New York Yankees has died in a hot tub yet. [Warming Glow]

Why the Worst Superhero Ever Made Is Responsible for the Best Superhero Movie Ever Made – The most exciting part of this link is the idea that they were gonna make a big budget Batman movie with Egghead, Mad Hatter, King Tut and Scarecrow as the villains. I would watch the f**king sh*t out of that. [FARK]

Indiana Jones Gets Whipped by Barbra Streisand in Lost Footage from ‘The Temple of Doom’ – And in lost footage from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Barbra Streisand shows up as a CGI monkey who must survive a nuclear explosion by hiding in a toaster. Ugh, that movie makes my stomach hurt. [Moviefone]

5 Essential Purchases for Packing Up and Moving to Hollywood – An important list for me, as I make my first ever trip to Los Angeles next weekend. I think I’m going to hang around and leech off my friends, who have all been out there for years making something of themselves while I blogged about wrestling from Cleveland. [Adult Swim]

Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls Happened – Did it happen 15 years ago? Because if it didn’t, jesus christ [Daily What]

11 Reasons Why I’m Holding Out Hope That The Eddie Murphy Oscars Won’t Be One Massive, Fat Suited Ratnerf*cking – The teaser trailer for Shrek The Fifth: Star Shrek is number 12. I don’t know if that’s a real thing. Reason 13: Carey Mulligan will be there, and she is the hottest underaged boy in Hollywood. [Pajiba]