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WWE SummerSlam 2013 Predictions, Full Card And Open Discussion Thread

Welcome to the WWE SummerSlam 2013 open discussion thread, where the With Leather pro wrestling readership and commenting community tries to come to terms with Triple H pedigreeing Daniel Bryan and John Cena, posing with the WWE Championship to end the show and Monday’s episode about how Daniel Bryan is too hurt to appear, but everyone who has ever been named “McMahon” is totally fine*.

*card subject to change

In all seriousness, here’s your full card for tonight’s pay-per-view, along with some serious (and not-so-serious) predictions.

WWE SummerSlam 2013 Full Card:

– Pre-show match for the United States Championship: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Rob Van Dam

1. Natalya (with Cameron and Naomi) vs. Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella and Eva Marie)

2. Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs. AJ Lee and Big E Langston

3. Ring Of Fire match: Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

4. Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

5. World Heavyweight Championship match: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Christian

6. CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

7. WWE Championship match with Triple H as the special guest referee: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan

Predictions are on the next page. As always, reply to the comments you love with a +1 and I’ll include the top 10 in my Best and Worst of WWE SummerSlam 2013 report tomorrow.

Enjoy the show, everybody.

WWE SummerSlam 2013 Full Card:

– Pre-show match for the United States Championship: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Rob Van Dam

What I Want To Happen: Ambrose controls for most of the match. Van Dam starts his jump-kicky comeback, but doesn’t get total rotation on Rolling Thunder because he’s old and moving at 1/5 speed and lands on his head. Ambrose capitalizes with a headlock driver, Van Dam does his delightful headstand sell of the move, and Ambrose retains the United States Championship. The US title then becomes the “YouTube pre-show title” and gets defended there all the time, because at least then it’d have a regular purpose.

What I Think Will Happen: This seems like the perfect opportunity for The Shield to interfere, Mark Henry and Big Show to make the save, and one GM authority figure or another interrupting with a “YOU WANT TO FIGHT, HOW ABOUT WE MAKE THIS A SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH!” And then it’s The Shield vs. Team Dad on the PPV proper. Assumedly The Shield loses that, because they lose pretty regularly these days, to set up rematches for everything at the next show.

1. Natalya (with Cameron and Naomi) vs. Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella and Eva Marie)

What I Want To Happen: Absolutely nothing.

What I Think Will Happen: The standard prediction for any Bella Twins match is, “they’ll do Twin Magic or at the very least have one twin distract the other twin’s opponent, leading to a Bellas roll-up victory.” That seems like a pretty safe bet here, with all the extraneous Divas hanging around ringside. It turns into a SCHMOZZ, Brie Bella puts Natalya in the sharpshooter and Cameron’s weird boyfriend rings the bell, because they aren’t talking about “screwjobs” enough on ‘Total Divas.’

2. Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs. AJ Lee and Big E Langston

What I Want To Happen: A good, lengthy, back-and-forth intergender tag match where they don’t have to purposefully tag out every time their opponent makes a tag, leading to that Kaitlyn/Big E Langston showdown I want to see so badly. Ideally AJ and Big E would win because I like them more, and because no two WWE wrestlers exemplify “standing around pointlessly because people are supposed to like me” quite like Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn.

What I Think Will Happen: The only point of AJ appearances these days are for them to end with her on her knees in the middle of the ring, pulling her hair, screaming GREAAHHHHHHHH as babyfaces back up the ramp triumphantly. I’m gonna guess Dolph Zig-Zags AJ and Kaitlyn spears her for the win to set up another in a string of endless Kaitlyn title challenges for the next show. Or, you know, Big E Langston Big Ends them both and counts to 10.

3. Ring Of Fire match: Kane vs. Bray Wyatt

What I Want To Happen: I like that the “Kane’s the only person who can ever lose inferno matches, because he’s the only person who wears clothes” joke is so obvious now that “inferno match” has become “ring of fire match,” and the object is to just wrestle near fire instead of burning anybody. Bray Wyatt should absolutely not lose his first actual WWE rostered match in character, especially if we’re gonna buy him as the guy who can break the Undertaker’s streak at WrestleMania. I say Wyatt wins, then burns Kane for fun anyway. Because Kane is ALWAYS on fire.

What I Think Will Happen: I’m confident in a Bray Wyatt win, although I’m guessing it’ll be through a gang attack anyway. I’d love it if Luke Harper came out with a bunch of heavy blankets and just laid them over the fire ring, crossed over and beat up Kane as usual. They can be smart AND cultist hillbillies, you guys.

4. Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes

What I Want To Happen: During the match, Cody and Damien realizes they’ve both been real assholes to one another, hug, make up and reform Rhodes Scholars. Later in the night, Cody helps Damien cash in on Alberto Del Rio or Christian, and Damien makes Cody the “protector of the belt.”

What I Think Will Happen: Cody will get the win here, because having a title or Money in the Bank briefcase is code for “you’re gonna lose non-stop until the title changes.”

5. World Heavyweight Championship match: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Christian

What I Want To Happen: A great match. That’s what’s going to make or break this. The best part of the build has been a Christian video package, which isn’t a good omen. Regardless, both of these guys can go when put in the right environment with somebody who can help them out, so this could end up being a secret classic. Or, you know, Ricardo Rodriguez could show up and hit Del Rio in the face with a bucket and cost him the match 8 minutes in. Either or.

What I Think Will Happen: Putting the WHC on Christian right now would be like putting the TNA Heavyweight Championship on Chris Sabin, so I don’t see it happening. Although Del Rio just forced himself into localized irrelevancy by killing Ricardo, so maybe Sandow’s cash-in will happen here.

6. CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

What I Want To Happen: BESS VARSE THER BEASE! I want this to be a 22-minute version of their first fight on Raw, with Lesnar non-chalantly throwing Punk into and through everything he can find, and Punk refusing to stay down and stop scrapping. I think Lesnar really, really needs to win this if they ever want him to be a sincere threat again, because dude’s only one a match and a half since he returned, and that ain’t great. Get Punk within an inch of victory, then have Heyman snatch it away. Keep Punk/Heyman going until Mania, please and thank you.

What I Think Will Happen: Punk wins, Lesnar disappears for another five months, then Curtis Axel shows up and does a tap dance routine. Note: we only hate the tap dancing because we “read the dirt sheets.”

7. WWE Championship match with Triple H as the special guest referee: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan

What I Want To Happen: After a 35-minute match, an exhausted Daniel Bryan taps John Cena totally clean to the Yes Lock and collapses. Randy Orton shows up, cashes in his briefcase and goes for an RKO, but Bryan fights him off. THEY wrestle for 20 minutes, ending in a Bryan small package to f**k up Orton’s Christmas. THEN you can do whatever Triple H/Vince McMahon thing you want, I won’t care.

What I Think Will Happen: Seriously? My best educated guess is that Bryan gets a lot of hope spots, but Cena Attitude Adjusts him and pins him in the middle of the ring. Cena (and probably Triple H) then shake Bryan’s hand and put him over for “trying so hard” or whatever. Orton never shows up. “Cena wins clean and nothing happens” should always be your default prediction for Cena PPV main events, especially ones with hype.

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