Okay, a few things:
1) First things first: That is the best picture of Jeremy Piven. Go ahead and poke around a bit for yourself, if you like. Take all the time you need. You will not find a better picture of Jeremy Piven. I promise.
2) Here is Jeremy Piven’s story about winning a pushup contest in Cuba, via Vanity Fair: “I went to Cuba one time, and ran out of cash, and they don’t take credit cards. And so I was genuinely stranded, and had to be incredibly crafty. You’re not going to believe this, and I’m almost afraid to even say it, but I had a pushup contest with a guy who was absolutely sure that he could do more pushups than me. I was so desperate to just get a few dollars to get some food—I was much younger, of course—and so we battled it out, and I made a little money. I made enough money to eat, and then I went home.”
3) There is so much more to that story. There has to be. And I must know all of it.
4) Like, was Jeremy Piven just running around a communist country challenging strangers to pushup contests? And if so, how many people did he challenge before he got to this guy? A dozen? More? Fifty?
5) “Hey, how was your day, honey?” “Very strange. An American in a fedora ran up to me on the street and challenged me to a pushup contest.” “ME TOO.”
6) Or was it the flipside of that, where some brawny Cuban saw an American tourist and challenged him to a pushup contest that had a grand prize of $5 and the pride of the winner’s respective countrymen. Was there a crowd around them? Was his Cuban adversary promptly imprisoned by Castro’s men for bringing shame to the nation? IS HE STILL IMPRISONED TO THIS DAY?
7) What was Piven’s plan if he lost? He entered into a Cuban pushup contest for money despite having no money to pay up with if he ended up getting vanquished, according to his story. People have been killed for less. I mean, probably.
8) How was this not an episode of Entourage? It’s got everything: a fuzzy plot filled with holes, everything working out in the end thanks to a reckless act of bravado, Jeremy Piven doing pushups, EVERYTHING.
9) As I was typing that I got a crystal clear image in my head of Johnny Drama standing off to the side shouting “VICTORY” while Turtle tries to trade one of his sneakers for Cuban weed and Vince realizes he should drop out of Aquaman 4 to do an indie Che Guevera movie, much to E’s dismay.
10) LLOYD!
