Thanks to Taylor Swift and the hundreds upon thousands of women, men, children, and snowmen she welcomed to the stage this year, we’re all intimately familiar with the concept of #squad. #Squad shone strong and bright in 2015, a supernova that exploded Instagram itself before slowly fading from our collective consciousness because it started to get kind of annoying. But let us not forget that there was a time — indeed, mere months ago — when #squad was king, and when Taylor Swift’s #squad was the king of that king, sort of a dictator, really, but a benevolent one who just forced everyone to like him and never got violent or anything. If you were in Taylor Swift’s #squad, nothing else mattered.
Turns out if you weren’t in Taylor Swift’s #squad, nothing else mattered, either. Just ask Adam Scott, who revealed to Conan last night that he was not #squad enough to make it into Taylor Swift’s #squad. Asked whether or not his kids understand or even care whether he’s famous (…no, no they do not), Scott explained that they got a recent glimpse at his level of celebrity when he brought them to a Taylor Swift show. “It was really fun, and she was nice enough to have us backstage and say hello beforehand,” said Scott. “She was super classy and sweet and comes and talks to the children. But also in the room were Chris Rock and his daughters and Matt LeBlanc and his daughter, and then this really great-looking dude and his buddy.” In other words, Scott was in a room with Taylor Swift’s once and future #squad, and he didn’t even know it.
Scott goes on to explain that, soon thereafter, he watched Rock take the stage, as well as LeBlanc, which, as he puts it, “made sense,” as both were more famous than he. But then, Taylor announced, “the guy who was in my video” — the aforementioned “great-looking dude and his buddy” — “is here!” At this point, Scott felt the icy chill — nay, the mortal wound — of being excluded from Taylor Swift And The Infinite #Squad, of watching from the sidelines as great-looking dude and his buddy effortlessly made #squad without even having actual names or stated professions. Even his children, Scott explains, were mortified enough by this slight to ask, “What the f*ck, daddy?”
The f*ck is that you aren’t #squad, Adam Scott. And you’ll never be #squad. (Because #squad is over. Or if it’s not yet totally over, I’ve ushered it to its final resting place in this post.)