I know it’s been on your mind. It’s been keeping you up at night, filling your sweaty dreams with worry: would “Bachelorette” Ali Fedotowsky and fiancé Roberto Martinez follow through with a wedding? Or would their love end in disillusion and sadness like 19 of the 20 previous pairings that “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” had created? If only a publicist could tell us in a way that completely insults our collective intellect. Ah, here we are:
“Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship,” the couple’s rep tells PEOPLE. “As they go through this difficult time, we ask that you respect the couple’s privacy.”
I’ve seen a lot of stupid crap from stupid publicists, but this might be a new low. “These people competed on a reality TV show in order to be paired as mates. Please respect their privacy, which they so obviously cherish.”
By the way, the updated success rate for “Bachelor/ette” winners is now 1-for-21 (Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter are the only married couple; couple #22 — Ashley and J.P. from “The Bachelorette” — are still together for the moment). That’s a success rate of 4.7%. At this point, completely random selection would be as effective at producing an actual marriage, and yet WOMEN CANNOT STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW. If men had any sense at all, we’d all be gay and let the human race become extinct.