Bow Wow Will Play ‘One Of The Most Prolific Hackers In The World’ On ‘CSI: Cyber’

About two weeks ago CBS’s upcoming CSI spinoff CSI: Cyber won my heart forever by casting James Van Der Beek as a character named Elijah Mundo and putting out a press release that describes him as “a savant when it comes to weaponry, vehicles and bombs” and “a self-proclaimed action junkie” who “will often put himself at risk to seek permanent justice.” PERMANENT JUSTICE. I’ll never get over that. I’ll also never watch the show, probably, but that in no way makes any of this less wonderful.

And it’s about to get better: Shad Moss, better known as Bow Wow, has joined the cast as a troubled teen slash “one of the most prolific hackers in the world.” Tell me more. I must know more.

Moss will play Brody “Baby Face” Nelson, a top hacker ordered by a judge to work with Special Agent Ryan “on loan” to assist with a cyber case or go to prison. Nineteen going on 20, Nelson is a savant with cyber intrusions.

CYBER INTRUSIONS! Pair that with a film called Permanent Justice and you’ve got a hell of a Cinemax double feature. Someone start writing these movies immediately. I’ll hop in a time machine headed for 1993 and get Shannon Tweed on the phone.

Growing up without any parental guidance, he joined “Hacktivist” groups for his extended family. His dilemma will be working for the Feds while trying to keep his fingertips out of the Deep Web where he was groomed to be one of the most prolific hackers in the world.”

God, that’s just great. BOW WOW AND THE BEEK! TWO DEVIL-MAY-CARE SAVANTS USING BOMBS AND CODING TO SAVE THE DAY! (“Dammit, Nelson! I need the schematics! I’m BASE-jumping into Victor Amsterdam’s warehouse with the bomb as we speak!” “I’m hacking as fast as I can, Mundo!”) What more could you possibly ask for? I mean, besides maybe a quote from the show’s creator implying that this casting decision could, like, save America’s youth or something, but that seems like kind of a long sho-…

“Bow Wow is a gifted young actor who will have the responsibility, through his character, to set an example for young people who watch the show to ‘do what’s right’ even when you know ‘nothing but wrong,’” said CSI franchise creator Anthony E. Zuiker,

I hope they never stop casting this show. These announcements are singe-handedly tiding me over until the Fall season starts.