Do Not Try the Food at Aaron’s Party

It’s no secret that my daily to-do list starts out with the same two things everyday: 1) Make jokes at the expense of Guy Fieri, and; 2) Check in on Aaron Carter and Taylor Dayne to see what they’ve been up to. So imagine my delight when I came across this clip of Carter and Dayne competing against each other on “Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-off.” It’s not often you have the opportunity to take out three ridiculously-coiffed birds with one stone. Big day for me.

In the clip — which, for the record, starts out with a bro hug between Aaron Carter and N Sync’s Joey Fatone, because of course it would — Carter tries to in vain to make homemade ranch dressing, and then later is bested by Dayne in the final challenge and sent home. The whole clip is worth watching, if for no other reason than the part where fellow competitor Lou Diamond Phillips says “Three minutes, guys. Three minutes. Tick tock.” I wish this was how ALL time alerts were announced. Like, you’re taking a timed exam and trying frantically to finish, and then, out of nowhere and without explanation, Lou Diamond Phillips pokes his head inside the door, says “Three minutes, guys. Three minutes. Tick tock,” and then vanishes as mysteriously as he appeared. I would like that. It would be the last thing I would ever see because my brain would overheat trying to comprehend it and I would die, but I would like it.

BONUS VIDEO: While writing this post, I took a break to watch Taylor Dayne’s video for “Tell It To My Heart.” HOLY MOLEY. It is a hair and fashion horror show of staggering proportions, and I want to go back in time to 1987 and buy it shares of Apple so it will realize what a savvy financial mind I have and agree to marry me. Enjoy.

via Buzzfeed