TV

'Franklin & Bash' Recap: Introducing Fake-lin & Bash

Bros. BROS.

I have good news and bad news and the bad news is this the second episode in a row that didn’t have lots of parties and girls in bikinis and outlandish courtroom antics which is A TROUBLESOME TREND but the good news is that there were cases about a dog and a dude who robbed a pizzeria with a gun made of cheese which is kinda LOLs I guess but if someone doesn’t get butt naked in a hot tub soon I am going to be PISSED. Oh and there is one more piece of bad news that is very serious and I need to whisper it to you so come closer so I can say it in secrecy. No, closer. Closer. OK, are you ready? The big secret bad news is that this episo- [knees you in the groin]. BOOM. IN THE BALLS, SON. Hey Asian Dave, did you see that? Yeah, I kneed him in the balls! UP TOP, BROSEPH.

Anyway in addition to cases about dogs and cheese guns this episode also featured the bros struggling with their new roles as big fancy partners who represent rich people instead of the little guy which is tough because representing the little guy is good for the soul and also sometimes the little guy is actually two hot strippers but on the other hand representing rich people is good because then you can GET PAID BRO and can just use the money to have strippers come to your house. A real dilemma, indeed.

Oh and hey speaking of little guys Seth Green is in this episode.

CASE #1 – Some Lady Stole a Dog or Whatever

This case was about Wise Old Bro Partner Bro’s ex-wife who is Cybill Shepherd who I think was on “Golden Girls” or something and she has this dog and some younger lady named Blonde Dog Lady says she stole it. The bros get tricked into taking the case by Dick Lawyer and then they are all “Oh brother we totes got hosed” especially when it turns out that Cybill Shepherd kinda did steal the dog because she didn’t like how Blonde Dog Lady was treating it and that became clear as witnesses were called oh and also Seth Green and some other bro were Blonde Dog Lady’s lawyers and they were like a fake version of Franklin and Bash and at one point they out-shenaniganned the bros by trying to call the dog as a witness and then the judge was all “YOU CAN’T CALL A DOG AS A WITNESS GEEZ THIS IS A COURT” so they were like “OK whoops it looks like we accidentally put the dog down and it ran to Blonde Dog Lady instead of the Golden Girls lady so I guess we just win now” and the judge was all “NO YOU DON’T I REPEAT THIS IS A COURT” but the damage was done.

So anyway Franklin and Bash have to keep the dog in their house because of something and the dog gets sick because they feed it pigs in a blanket and then Sexy PI lady tracks down one of Blonde Dog Lady’s old boyfriends and GUESS WHAT it turns out SHE stole the dog FROM HIM and also he is Rick Fox from basketball. He gets up on the stand and goes “Yup she stole the dog from me and also some of my shirts because she’s crazy” and Blonde Dog Lady goes “FINE TAKE YOUR SHIRT BACK BECAUSE I AM GOING TO RIP IT OFF IN COURT” but she was wearing a tank-top underneath so it wasn’t as sexy as you would think but anyway THE BROS WIN but their client still can’t keep the dog.

Then at the end Wise Old Bro goes to Cybill Shepherd’s house to bring her a new dog and also to bone but then she answers the door with the old dog and everyone’s all “Huh?” but then Rick Fox from basketball comes down the stairs in a robe which means HE boned Cybill Shepherd instead which is improbable and sad for the old dude.

Case #2 – The Cheese Gun Conspiracy

So this was a case about a guy who makes cheese and he robbed a pizzeria with a gun made of cheese and at first Franklin and Bash were gonna defend him but then they traded with Dick Lawyer so now it’s all up to him and Middle Eastern Bro. A lot happened and a bunch of people ate cheese in the process but basically the gist of it is that the CheeseBro got tricked into robbing the place by one of the owner’s business partners because they wanted to catch the robbery on tape and make it go VIRAL ON THE INTERNET to increase business because PEOPLE LOVE FREQUENTING RESTAURANTS THAT GET ROBBED AT CHEESEPOINT. So anyway he’s still guilty but only a little guilty and at the end the owner of the pizza shop threatens to jam some cheese up his butt which is pretty much maximum LOLs as far as threats of dairy-related violence go.

OTHER SH-T AND STUFF

– There was lots of gross old people sex stuff going on in this episode which is not cool because it was funny when Bash’s mom was doing it last time but this is getting ridiculous and I really don’t want to think about Wise Old Bro Partner Bro finding the “K-Spot” in some old lady’s vag especially if it happens in an episode where no hot chicks wear negligee to court or whatever. Sh-t’s gross, son. Chill.

– Hot Cop wasn’t in this episode and they didn’t even mention her which was weird because she and Bash were getting pretty serious in the last episode and she showed up at his house with no underwear on because Bash’s mom told her to which was WEIRD but also SEXY but mostly weird. And at the beginning of the episode when they met Blonde Dog Lady Bash was all “Nice to meet you Mrs. Blonde Dog Lady” and she was like “It’s Ms. Blonde Dog Lady because I am single” and then Bash was all “For now” which leads me to believe he is STILL ON THE PROWL.

– Franklin and Bash were gonna buy motorcycles from some hot chick but then they didn’t.

– I guess Middle Eastern Bro is fixed now because as recently as two weeks ago he couldn’t go outside without puking his guts out but now he’s strolling into court in a sweater vest all confident and sh-t as long as he uses a handkerchief to touch the door so I guess the moral of the story is that MODERN PSYCHIATRY WORKS and SCIENTOLOGY CAN SUCK A DEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

– The best thing ever happened last night because I was minding my own business and getting ready to watch the show and I went on Twitter and GUESS WHAT:

BROS. WHAT. BROS. WHAT?! RETWEETED BY THE OFFICIAL FRANKLIN & BASH TWITTER ACCOUNT? HOLY SH-T. BROS. WHAT. We are definitely throwing a party to celebrate. Three … no five … no TEN KEGS and jello shots and an ice luge and a kiddie pool full of jungle juice. Invite everyone you know. No dudes, though. Seriously.

THE END

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