TV

‘Franklin & Bash’ Was Way Serious, Bro

Sup.

It’s your boy Danger GuerrerBro, back with another recap of “Franklin & Bash” aka “Shortbro & Tallbro.” And you guys, this episode was VERY serious. Like there weren’t any killer parties or old lady hookers or young lady hookers or sluts in bikinis or ANYTHING. At first I was all “What? This show sucks like that movie Amistad about the black bros where they cast Matthew McConaughey and didn’t let him surf or bang Kate Hudson. What a waste.” But then I thought more about it and was like, “Hold on, selfbro. Maybe that’s the lesson. Maybe life isn’t all about doing shots with topless chicks while playing by your own rules and having sweet hair and sometimes helping old dudes who can’t get it up. Maybe sometimes you have to grow up and, like, be serious, and come up with a plan about tricking your client into punching someone to get out of his contract while you’re SOBER instead of at your house party.” Sh-t’s deep, son.

Okay, on to the recap.

So the episode starts and Franklin and Bash are way into an office curling match but there’s no time for that because BOOM old dude client walks in with his kinda hot daughter and head honcho guy is like, “No time for messing around you’re totes on the case Franklin and Bash” and the clients are all “Yeah that sounds good” so they go meet up and old dude goes “Guess who caught the old Kirk Gibson home run ball from the 1988 World Series and has it in this box and now his a-hole doucheface sons are fighting him for it ’cause it’s worth BANK BROSEPH? Me,” and Franklin’s all “I LOVE BASEBALL SO I WILL TAKE THIS CASE SERIOUSLY.” Done, client #1.

Then later sexy lady lawyer who used to be on “The Jamie Foxx Show” comes in and is like “I need Franklin and/or Bash because my client is a total reality show Dad jagoff and you guys know what that’s like,” and Franklin’s all “You go Bash because I love baseball and this case is about baseball so I got this,” so Bash goes and the client is Tom Arnold. Client #2.

Also, dick lawyer guy has a problem with a secret freaky email attachment that got sent around and he needs deleted because he wants to be a judge and Franklin goes “Yeah? Blow me,” which is MAJOR LOLs but then dick lawyer goes “No seriously,” and they’re like “Fine, talk to our Middle Eastern bro computer bro,” so he’s kinda client #3.

Case #1 – So most of the episode focuses on the old dude with the baseball case. Franks and Bashy go to meet with the douchey sons and their lawyer’s an idiot so they’re all “This is gonna be easy” but then when they go to court the douches got rid of their idiot lawyer and hired a new one and, BROS, it’s Franklin’s dad and he’s a legend for being a great lawyer and a snake. So Franklin puts old dude on the stand and is like “Be honest it’s your ball” and old dude is like “Yup” but then Franklin’s dad goes “Yeah but didn’t you say the kids could have the ball when they grew up and stopped fighting?” and old dude is like “Oh yeah, I guess I did,” and then Franklin gets all pissed and the judge is like “Knock it off.” But then Franklin calls one of the brothers and tricks them into getting into an argument over a dead turtle (RIP Shelley) so they ARE still fighting and Franklin’s like “Yup, I’m gonna win.”

THEN OLD DUDE ALMOST GETS HIT BY A BUS! But it’s cool ’cause he didn’t BUT THEN IT’S NOT COOL ‘CAUSE HE HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES. (RIP old dude.)

And the twist is that old dude died without a will so the douchesons name Franklin’s dad executor of the estate and are like “Sell that ball, bro” but they can’t find the ball and Franklin’s dad is like “My son said something about knowing where the ball was” and Franklin’s all “Nuh uh” but the judge goes “Nope I don’t buy it you’re going to jail.” So then Bash and the kinda hot daughter go to bail him out and the daughter’s all “Here’s a secret I buried the ball with my dad because that’s what he wanted” so they go BACK to the judge and say “Whoa. Don’t dig him up,” but Franklin’s dad goes “Hells yes dig him up,” and the judge is like “Yup, grab some shovels.” So they dig him up and find the ball but there’s also a note that’s like “YO, whoever is responsible for digging me up can’t have the ball so suck it,” so the douche sons lose and the ball goes to the daughter, and Franklin and his dad have a serious moment where he’s like “Man, you were a dick,” and Franklin’s dad is all, “Eh, whatever.”

Case closed.

Case #2 – Ok, so Tom Arnold’s character is this dad on a reality show who got all wasted Hasselhoff-style and made a boob out of himself and everyone calls him “Douche Dad” so now he wants out of his contract so his kids will love him again and whatever. But the producers are all “No way bro this show’s a gold mine,” and then Tom Arnold is all “But it’s not my fault because those Belgian beers are super strong and I didn’t know it” and then I was all, “Bro, NOTE TO SELF, I have GOT to get my hands on these epic strong beers because BEING WASTED IS THE COOLEST, UP TOP BRONY DANZA!”

So anyway Bash and sexy lawyer are looking over the contract and she goes “I got it” then they go to court and she shows a video of the dick producer talking trash about Tom Arnold and his kids so Tom Arnold gets up and decks him in the face in the middle of court and then the lawyers are like “Well, it looks like he just violated his morality clause so the contract is void now” because that is DEFINITELY how morality clauses work. Trust me bro, my uncle is a lawyer.

Case #3 – Okay. You guys. Dick lawyer has this email attachment that he is FREAKING OUT about so he gets set up with Franklin and Bash’s computer guy and he finds the file and is like “Here’s the deal I need to open it or something” and dick lawyer is all “Ok but you have to sign this confidentiality thingy” and computer guy is like “Yeah, fine.” So they open it up and it’s a video of dick lawyer participating in some sleep study in college and to help himself relax he STARTED JACKIN IT.

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.

So computer guy goes to delete it but instead something goes crazy and it gets sent to tons of people and judges including the lady judge from the baseball case who sees him in the hallway and is all “Sweet jackin it video dude were you thinking about me?” because CHICKS LOVE videos of dudes jackin it and the dick lawyer is like “GROAN I’M SO EMBARRASSED.”

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.

So, yeah. This was a pretty serious episode.

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