Five minutes into our interview before her headlining show at Cobb’s comedy club in San Francisco, Heather McDonald is strutting through the green room, doing her best impression of Bethenny Frankel of The Real Housewives of New York. “You watch that show?” she had asked, and as soon as I said that I’d love to see her impression of the Skinny Girl magnate, she was flouncing up and down the room shouting “I give zero fucks” in a pitch-perfect impersonation of Frankel’s signature bravado. “I might do that tonight,” McDonald said. “We’ll see.”
McDonald’s impressions — she does Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, and Kris Jenner (whom she’s friends with) among many others — are a huge draw for her fans. So is her podcast — Juicy Scoop — and her two best-selling books You’ll Never Blueball in This Town Again and My Inappropriate Life. But these are just highlights of McDonald’s decades-spanning career. She’s written for The Lyricist Lounge Show, performed with The Groundlings, and was a writer and performer on Chelsea Lately for the show’s entire run. In addition, she’s constantly touring (a little easier now that her kids are older) and recently released a well-reviewed special entitled I Don’t Mean to Brag (which you can stream on Netflix). Spoiler alert: She lives near a Target.
McDonald talked to us about her new tour, how hard she has to grind to continue building her name, and the way that her stand-up has changed as she’s gotten freer with her material. She also touched upon her “feud” with Chelsea Handler, for which she made headlines after quotes she made on a podcast regarding how terrifying it is to work as a writer were taken out of context.
Thank you so much for talking to us. What’s new and exciting for you?
What’s new and exciting for me? My podcast has really surprised me. I’m really having a great time. I’m really loving utilizing the listeners for getting information.
They ask you questions.
Yeah, but I also ask them things! I couldn’t find my old boyfriend from college. He’s the one person not on social media. I had several creepy girlfriends who claimed to be Facebook experts not be able to find him. I put it out there in the podcast world. This cute gay boy from the East Coast did all this research and found him. He found his brother, then called the sister-in-law.
No!
Yes. Sadly, he wants nothing to do with me. I’m just so curious what he’s up to. He was a nice guy. When he reached out finally, he’s like, “How are you?” No, “Hope you’re well” or “Thanks for reaching out.” I go, “What are you doing? Married? Kids? What? Gay? Straight? I don’t know. Transgender? Tell me what you’re up to.” Then he’s just like, “What’s this all about?”
It’s like you have your own cult!
He said he wanted to stay anonymous. I guess I married the right person because all I do is talk about my husband.
You’ve been married for 16 years and have three kids. What’s that like, with the traveling?
It’s been hard. I feel like I’ve missed a lot of stuff. I feel guilty, but now that they’re growing up and it seems like they’re all doing okay, I’m really happy with my choices. They think it’s cool now and they’re enjoying it a little bit. They’re showing their own funniness.
I was going to ask how they feel about their mom up on a stage talking about her vagina.
They don’t know that I’m talking about my vagina. They don’t come to the club. They haven’t really seen the special, but they know I do stand-up. My 10-year-old imitates me and is like, “Oh, da da da, I’m going to the Comedy Club,” but he doesn’t really know what I’m saying. We’re funny in the house. He gets it. Now he’s being more accepting that I exploit them on social media.
Aside from the podcast, you were on All About Sex. People are wondering if that’s ever coming back.
No, it’s not, unfortunately — but it was fun. I loved doing that show. I started doing the podcast shortly after. I love getting into dating and relationships, probably because I’ve been away for so long. I’m really fascinated. I love giving advice. It’s a horrible time to be single.
It’s horrible. It’s so hard. I don’t know how to fix it. Oftentimes, it’s my friends’ horrible dating stories that are totally juicy, which I share on the show, that make me stay with my old husband and stick with the penis I know.
I have a really good story coming out next week where my friend was dating this guy. He was a cute divorced dad, my age, our age. He asked to borrow money. Make a long story short, he wanted money. He was dating three other women.
I really love a juicy story. Sometimes people will send me a juicy topic that I may have missed. That part I really, really love. It’s really shown in my live shows, too. I’m best known for Chelsea Lately, but in the last six months, it’s about Juicy Scoop. It’s mothers and daughters and sisters. We’re all addicted and we’re all talking. I just wouldn’t have expected it, so it was great.
Tell me what we can expect from your stand-up? What’s different from the special?
It’s still a similar theme, but I have new stories about my family. I talk a lot about dating and how I get envious of my friends who are dating. It’s not just for people that are married. I do some stuff that’s going on in the world, new shows. I talk about a little bit of pop culture, a little bit about my husband and my kids. Maybe I’ve gotten a little dirtier.
Today on Twitter, someone said you looked 20 and you were joking about not needing to post nude selfies.
I’m really getting sick of people posting nude pictures under the guise that they’re being political. The other thing I think is lame is when people know they look good, but they post a picture and they’re like, “Here’s to the haters.” Everyone goes, “Who’s hating on you? You look great.” You know what? Just stand there and go, “Feeling kind of good.”
One time I was in Florida last summer. I was pretty good. Things were in check, it’s not always like that. I took a picture. I’m alone in a hotel room and I’m trolling for compliments. Here goes. That’s it! I’d like some likes. I’d like some compliments.
It’s not a feminist selfie.
Yeah, I’m not doing it for gun control. Of course I’m for gun control, but I’m not doing it under the guise of Free the Nipple or women’s rights. People, thank God, are catching on. Come on. We all know that you felt skinny. You just did a juice cleanse.
You starved yourself for 10 days…
You have a completely waxed vagina. Good for you! But then just don’t lie about it. I guess their response could be, “Well, this will get more retweets than if I just had my face saying it.”
Absolutely. My favorite is they’re like, “Just got these new sunglasses. What do you think?”
I have a friend that got divorced and she changed her Facebook photo so that each child’s head lifted up her breasts. She had a really good cleavage. That’s a nice newly divorced photo with your children being a support bra for you, really.
A lot of comedians mellow out as they grow older. What’s it been like for you? Going dirtier, what’s the response been like?
It’s not that dirty. There’s a couple of new things that I was like, “Hmm, that’s a little dirty.” I just feel like every comedian: You tape a special, and you think this is the best I could be. What’s really nice is that you always get better and you always find, at least for me, that you’re finding your groove and you’re just getting more comfortable.
I would get nervous for years. Thank God I can finally eat before a show and don’t really get nervous and really enjoy my time more. If I don’t do something that someone wanted me to do and they ask me, “Oh, can you do Drew Barrymore?” I do it right there on the spot, but I can’t do that the whole hour because then I would never do new material.
Lately there seems to be less stigma for female comedians. What do you think about that?
I just think that there’s been a great little resurgence in comedy. There’s so many great comics that you can find. I don’t think that it’s really about being a woman or being gay or straight or black or white. The younger generation doesn’t see it. My kids obviously don’t think it’s weird that I’m a comic because they’ve always known their mom to be a comic. That’s cool; it’s fine. It’s also now a little less special.
Is it because everybody is a Twitter comedian now? Everybody can do comedy?
It’s about really being onstage and being good. It takes a long time to get to a certain level. The thing is that there doesn’t just have to be one funny girl. There’s always been a ton of successful white guys in their 40s that are all super funny. I don’t know why there can only be three of us.
What’s great is that if you like Amy [Schumer]’s humor or Kathy Griffin, then there’s a lot of people that have a similar sense of humor. I would say I’m similar to them, a similar type of comedy that you would like. It’s not like you just see that one person. You’ll go out and see a bunch of people and experience it.
Your book’s a best-seller, you’re well reviewed on Netflix–
I’ve never even bothered to look. I guess I should go rub one out to myself tonight.
In light of all that, do you feel you’ve been having more success recently?
I totally should be doing better than I am. I’m being serious. I would have thought by now someone would have been like, “Wait a minute. There’s only one headlining female comedian who’s actually still married and has kids.” Why is this not a bigger deal?” Nobody says it.
I have to keep shouting it. I have to keep telling my team. I go in every meeting and so far nothing’s come of it. The other day I was on my podcast. I was going to talk about how I went to the premiere of Mother’s Day. It was the worst movie I’d ever seen. Then I was like maybe I shouldn’t talk about it.
But then I was like, what am I saying? The only job I’m getting is one I create myself. Everything I’ve worked for has been so hard. Every show I’ve ever gotten is bottom of the barrel cable. But I’m so lucky. I’m doing what I love. I own a home. I can afford Catholic school. My kids can golf.
When I just see people that are not talented on an NBC sitcom making $25,000 a week, sometimes it bums me out. But then I’ll get people saying, “Because of you, I lost five pounds because I binge listen to your podcast. I worked out longer than I would have.” I’m like, oh my God! Or, “My husband was going through surgery and we listened to your podcast during recovery.” I just need one of those a week. This is so satisfying.
I feel like something will happen. It may not be until I’m 50.
From the outside, you’re very successful.
I don’t have a current TV show, but what’s been great is being able to continue to do stand-up with Chelsea Lately being gone and still bringing crowds. It’s been an adjustment.
I went to a job every day for seven years that I really loved, where I was creative every day, where I was getting a check every week. That was really fun, but this, though, it was a challenge. It was good for me. It was good because if Chelsea Lately would have continued, I would have just stayed.
What’s some advice you’d give aspiring comedians?
Everybody works differently. For me, I was always told I was funny, a natural storyteller. I would normally just be telling someone a story or saying something. They’d be like, “Is that in your act?” For me, that’s how I work, but you’ve got to figure out what works for you. When you’re telling someone a funny story, make sure you write it down, type it in your phone, and really keep trying it out.
Make friends with other comics. Some of the best material that actually made my special was a few girls got together and we were writing. I was telling the story about my stepdaughter’s mother. They were crying. Then they helped me sharpen it up. That’s really a great thing to do, especially when you’re early on because it really is a lonely profession.
It’s very rare that I’m with a comic that I know because I normally do use the local comics. To have someone to hang out in the green room and feed off of each other and have real fun with. That’s rare.
Have fun; enjoy this time because hopefully you’ll leave successful and it’ll change. Also, there’s just so many different avenues to show your comedy now. Whether it’s YouTube, funny videos, a funny Snapchat.
You’re on all of them.
It’s fucking exhausting. If they create another one, I’m going to shoot myself.
I read recently that your “feud” with Chelsea Handler is back on. [In early 2016, comments that McDonald made on a podcast about “living in fear” while working on the show prompted a small furor.]
It’s not back on.
Do you and Handler talk?
We texted after the incident.
You look up Heather McDonald and, after the well reviewed Netflix special, the first thing that comes up is that Heather McDonald and Chelsea Handler hate each other. How has that been for you?
I don’t hate her. There’s no way I could hate her. We had a great time together. The show has been over for a year and a half. She’s doing her own thing. We’re all doing our own thing. She wanted to do a different show than Chelsea Lately, which she’s doing. It’s all good.
The fear thing was me being honest about how probably 80% of Americans feel on a job, especially one in the Hollywood business. A job that you love and that doesn’t have any guarantees, where they can fire you for no reason at all. I was being honest about being a female who’s a Catholic, who’s a scaredy cat mom, who followed all the rules. That’s how I approach the workplace.
I was being self-deprecating about myself. They took one sentence, made a headline out of it for a podcast that wasn’t available to be listened to for another five days. I was completely fucked. I don’t think that was right. Anybody that listens to that podcast would have listened and known I said very complimentary things about her. It was horrible. I’d never gotten that kind of hate. It did look like I was unappreciative. It did look like I was lame, but if you listen to the whole thing, it was almost like me being funny.
I wasn’t afraid of her. I’m just someone who’s afraid of authority. My dad would yell and I’d pee in my pants. Why is that such a horrible thing? Then to hear people saying get another job? I’m so glad that you’re so flippant that the sole provider of a family of five who’s in her 40s would be so confident just quitting. Good for you. Good for you, Julie Chen. Good for you. I’m glad that you can quit being married to Leslie Moonves. I’m glad you can.
I have private Catholic school to pay for. My husband would like to stay in the lifestyle I’ve made him accustomed to, which is a lot of good wine and golf. It’s a lot of pressure on me. That was it. I felt terrible that fans were upset by it. A lot of people haven’t heard of it and it’s fine. Chelsea seems very happy with her show. Everybody’s done really well. I wouldn’t be here tonight at Cobb’s if it wasn’t for Chelsea Lately. I have really fond memories of everything.
You guys are cool.
Yeah. People are cool, but it’s just like any other job. When you leave, you’re not seeing that person or talking to them like you did when they were walking by in the hall. It’s more that, really. I wish her very well. She would do the same for me.
When we texted each other about it, I was just like, “I wish you well, it was unfortunate.” I didn’t want to get back and forth with stuff. No, she looks good and everything’s good.
Is there anything you wish people would ask you in interviews that they haven’t?
“What do you want to be remembered for?”
What would you like to be remembered for, Heather McDonald?
Being the best mother in the world.
To see Heather McDonald live, check out her tour schedule here.
Mark Shrayber is senior writer at Uproxx Life. You can contact him directly on Twitter.
