Sterling Archer gets around. Whether it be one night stands, professionals, co-workers, or potential soulmates, the man has had and paid for — literally and figuratively — many confrontations with the opposite sex. International spy work makes that sort of thing possible. Take finding yourself a pirate king, for example. That has its advantages as referenced above. So with tomorrow’s night’s episode, “Viscous Coupling,” getting all relationship-y, there’s never been a better time to take a long look back at the various lady friends of Codename Duchess.
In chronological order of the spectacular graphics supplied by our good friends at Floyd County, here’s a comprehensive guide to make you feel inadequate when compared to a fictional animated character. Some NSFW-ishness to follow, in case you’re not into that sort of thing.
The first female acquaintance of Archer’s we’re ever introduced to, the flight attendant likes ping pong, has a dog that barks “Puttin’ on the Ritz,” and is obviously into Greek.
Everyone’s favorite Tunt heiress loves strong hands and a lively game of “just the tip.”
A devout Catholic and pretty decent in the kitchen.
Barry’s maybe fiancee and “the Pelé of anal.”
If a call girl is going to have your maybe baby it might as well be one voiced by Janice from Friends.
Although she was probably thinking about Alex Karras.
Just a 16 year-old hailing from the Alabama of Europe who pushed Sterling to his limits.
This, folks, is how you get male breast cancer.
Something, something what happens in Vegas with Dickey.
That’s pro work, folks.
The KGB agent turned defector who made Sterling believe in true love.
Redheads: The only proven method to forget your dead fiancee.
Janelle and Ray’s brother had an, um, open relationship.
The former KGB agent turned defector turned resurrected cyborg who once again made Sterling believe in true love, only to leave him for another cyborg.
AKA “The Chupacabra of Dicks.”
There hasn’t been much lady friend action so far for Sterling in S4, but he was married for three months.
Yup. It got weird.
As revealed via death bed confessional. And I guess this chick counts too.
Last but not least. Because no one ever forgets their first love.