Characters In ‘Mr. Robot’ Ranked By How Much Danger They’re In

08.04.16 4 Comments

After a handful of episodes that focused mostly — possibly too much — on Elliot and his battle to control his anarchist alter-ego, Mr. Robot really dialed up the action last night. There were people hacking the FBI, and clock-obsessed Chinese officials with secret identities giving tours of their mansions, and Deep Web sites that sold everything from people to pills, and that’s before we even get to all the murder. There was a lot going on.

The main theme of it all, though, was that everyone is in trouble. Well, almost everyone. And so, to help make sense of it all, what I’ve done here is rank the main players in the episode based on how much danger they’re in, from most to least. As always, here to help.

1. Everyone Joanna knows, has known, or will ever know

Let’s think about poor Kareem for a second. Kareem made the mistake of telling Joanna he was nervous and freaking out about the FBI, so Joanna sent out the order to have him killed. But she didn’t just have him killed. She had her goon administer a shot to paralyze him, toss the place so it would look like a robbery, then put two bullets in him while he sat there watching it happen but unable to prevent it. And then she justified it by saying that doing it that way allowed him to know why he was dying, which prevented her from becoming just “a ruthless murderer.”

Which, uh, okay. But if I’m on your hit list, and there’s no way for me to get off it, please put me down for a sudden painless death that I don’t see coming instead of 30 seconds of rigid helpless terror as I wait for a hitman to finish me off. I honestly can’t decide if Joanna did this to be cruel or if she thought she was doing him a favor. That might be the most terrifying part.

Actually, no. The most terrifying part is that she made her goon give her the full-on murder recap while she was singing her baby a lullaby. Joanna is a) a monster, and b) my favorite character.

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